12.18.08 SOMEBODY ACTUALLY DID HIT THAT

It’s not unusual for a big tennis star to commit to a tournament and then back out at the last minute, usually blaming some nagging injury that may or may not exist. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Lindsey Davenport is backing out of the Australian Open because of a nagging…fetus. Doctors expect her condition to improve in, oh, about nine months.

Three-time Grand Slam winner Lindsay Davenport announced that she is pregnant and has taken herself off the WTA Tour indefinitely. After agreeing to participate in the Australian Open last week, the 32-year-old former world No. 1 pulled out of the event on Wednesday. [If only HE had pulled out...ZING! --Ed.]

“Of course this unexpected, but exciting, surprise now means I will be putting tennis on hold for the foreseeable future,” Davenport said.

I guess it’s easy to take cheap shots at someone who’s already been passed over for endorsements because of her appearance, but…it’s just so much fun! I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that this will be Davenport’s second child. Repeat business is always great if you can get it. Just ask my cadre of whores. you can use my phone, just hold down “4″ to dial. No, not “1.” That’s voicemail.