12.04.08 SEAN AVERY IS SORRY
A day after being suspended, NHL heel Sean Avery predictably apologized for his off-color comments about other players picking up his “sloppy seconds.” Apologies must be awesome if you’re a pro athlete. You don’t actually have to face anyone and say you’re sorry. Just have the team’s publicist fill in the details to the form apology letter and let them release it to the press wires.
“I should not have made those comments and I recognize that they were inappropriate. It was a bad attempt to build excitement for the game, but I am now acutely aware of how hurtful my actions were. I caused unnecessary embarrassment to my peers as well as people I have been close with in the past.”
It goes on like that for a while, with specific apologies to his teammates, fans, the league, Canada, the director of The Girl Next Door, Rod Stewart, and so on until you can practically see Sean Avery reading it over and making a wanking motion.
In related news, The Sporting Blog found this fun poll that was part of a FOXSports.com story on Avery. I’m not sure what they mean by “going five-hole.” If they’re trying to insinuate something, I’m not sure where the fifth hole is. Or even the fourth hole. Although I guess in hockey the five-hole is between the goalie’s– OH MY GOD THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT VAGINAS.
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/hockey_stick_fan_fight-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/cbj-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/blackhawks_where_the_wild_things_are_678-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/parros-115x115.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/mats_sundin_retires-115x115.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/08/gretzky_coyotes_for_sale-150x150.jpg)
There are 12 comments about:
SEAN AVERY IS SORRY
Sign me up for Scabby Sevenths!
Avery should have just asked “How does my dick taste?”
I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Sean Avery’s secret technique with the ladies consists of nothing more than a pocket full of cocaine.
I believe the 5th hole is an ear. Those are some kinky folks over at FoxSports.
The Fox poll missed a couple:
Crossing the red line.
Hitting the empty net.
Fucking some slut I already fucked.
Another choice: Scoring after another player has occupied the crease.
Or maybe “scoring after another player’s stick has already violated the crease”, I don’t know, these things might be funnier if I thought them through first. Probably not, though, cause it’s hockey, and I really can’t care enough about hockey to put forth any real effort.
No the fifth hole is behind the knee but you gotta *believe* that it’s there
Steven Abootman does not accept this apology, buddy.
Between Sean Avery and that poll, I almost feel like watching a minute or two of hockey.
*almost wrote Steve Avery*
Don’t call be buddy, friend.
I’m not your friend, guy
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