I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Marisa Miller.  She finally replaced Scarlett as the default Site News picture.  Most women don’t make Heidi Klum look like crap, you know.  More pics of Marisa, plus the Victoria’s Secret Angels, after the jump.

2. Plaxico Burress.  Ah, the weekend misadventures that can occur when your club-hoppin’ sweatpants aren’t outfitted with a holster for your Glock.  Good luck staying out of jail, buddy.

3. Sean Avery.  You have to be a massive dickhead or in one hell of a fight to make hockey news on this site.  Sean Avery was not in one hell of a fight.

4. Charlotte Jackson.  She’s no Marisa Miller, but she’s a step up from Erin Andrews.

5. Michael Phelps.  Landed him a tattooed Asian cocktail waitress from Vegas.  A guy could do worse.  A guy with 14 Olympic gold medals could do better.

6. Wunder Boner.  For all your Troy McClure-ian fish-boning needs.  Hilarity, thy name is Wunder Boner.

7. The UFL.  Its logo looks sexual.  In a related story, I’m in eighth grade.

8. Strippers!  Safeco Field gets a huge upgrade with Deja Vu moving in next door.  Now I can actually look forward to going to Mariners games.  That way if cheering for the M’s gets too depressing, I can just think about the dancers’ lives.

9. Whatever just get to the other Marisa pictures already.

10. Here ya go.