I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Marisa Miller.  You can’t look over your shoulder 24 hours a day, little missy.

2. Corey Hill.  He can tell you that fighting in the UFC is a total… snap.  **curtsies** You can relive the disgusting leg break in still pictures or video.

3. Graham Harrell.  The Texas Tech QB got snubbed from the list of invitees for the Heisman Trophy presentation, but he’s still smiling warmly in his holiday sweater.

4. Pardon the Interruption.  Blowhard 1 and Blowhard 2 both dropped some memorable quotes this week, from Kornheiser’s Garcia gaffe to Wilbon’s creepy marital advice.

5. Michael Phelps.  Yes, he looks retarded.  But given this, he can’t be all dumb.  Huge boobs make everything okay.

6. Plaxico Burress.  Hey, if you can get away with drinking at a strip club for free, then drink at a strip club for free.  I’ve got your back, Plax.  Not really, though.

7. UCLA Bruins.  Schools like Florida State and Arizona State should also have Underwear Runs… but I guess that would require them to have Finals Weeks, as well.  Maybe students can get credit for it or something?

8. Liu Cheong.  Surviving an an archery mishap as nasty as this is downright measty.  You have no idea how hard it was to not write an “Arrowhead Stadium” pun for that post, by the way.

9. Bacon-infused bourbon.  Two of the best things on earth combine to make something that’s only okay.  I had higher hopes when I tried it.

10. The video below.  There’s a simple duality to it that I really love.