“Hey honey. Oh, not much. You will not BELIEVE the night I had. Crazy. Listen, will you call an underground doctor and a criminal defense attorney? Oh, no reason.”

The biggest story over the weekend was obviously the plight of Giants star wideout Plaxico Burress.  Burress’s season has included a lengthy holdout, a two-week suspension, fines, dwindling production, and a hamstring injury, and it finally imploded late Friday night when he accidentally shot himself in the leg with an unregistered handgun at a Manhattan night club.

Burress went out to Latin Quarter with teammates Antonio Pierce and Ahmad Bradshaw.  He told security that he was carrying a gun for protection because he was carrying lots of cash and wearing expensive jewelry.  While “carrying a glass of wine,” the New York Daily News reported, “he began fumbling with his gun, police sources said. The weapon went off, firing a single bullet that tore through Burress’ right thigh.”  To be fair, as a wide receiver, Burress doesn’t like safeties.

Pretty stupid, but wait — it gets worse.  After Burress crumpled on the ground in pain, Pierce took the gun and hid it somewhere in New Jersey.  Meanwhile, Burress initially refused medical treatment because he didn’t want to get in trouble (his wife insisted on it later that night).  In fact, the NYPD didn’t learn about the incident until the next day, when Giants officials informed them.

Long story less long, Plax turned himself in to the police today, and he faces a 3.5-year minimum prison sentence if convicted of illegal gun charges.  He will plead not guilty, even though he fired an illegal gun in New York City.  Not sure how that works, but I’m also no lawyer.  I spent three years in bra school, not law school.

UPDATE: Via PFT:

Per the New York Post, Giants receiver Plaxico Burress sought treatment for his accidental self-inflicted gunshot wound on Friday night under that name: “Harris Smith.” The Post also reports that Burress spent 90 minutes after the shooting making calls in an effort to find a hospital where the emergency care would be provided in a discreet manner.

He settled on New York-Cornell, where he gave the phony name and said the incident had occurred at an Applebee’s. Hospital workers recognized that the patient was actually Plaxico Burress, and the hospital failed to report the gunshot wound, despite the clear requirements of New York Penal Law Section 265.25.

Did he try wearing the Groucho Marx glasses/nose/mustache? That’s what I would have done if I were a six-foot-five famous pro athlete trying to pass off my gunshot wound as a typical Applebee’s shooting.

(Most news via Ralph Vacchiano’s The Blue Screen)