12.08.08 MONDAY SUCK-OFF: ICE-COLD SUCKING
Ahhhh, Pittsburgh. Don’t ever change.
With the playoff picture slowly coming into focus, the number of teams that suck every week grows ever larger. But I’d like to pay special tribute this week to a trio of teams who have sucked all season, week in and week out. Consider:
- The Bengals lost 35-3 to the Colts, the second straight week in which a field goal gave them their only points. Cincinnati averages a mere 11.8 points per game, dead last in the NFL. And Marvin Lewis’s job is safe?
- The second-worst scoring team in the NFL? The Rams, at 13.0 PPG. They fell 34-10 to the Cardinals, which is the modest kind of blowout you might expect. Arizona’s defense (two TDs) outscored the Rams. Ugh.
- And the Lions. Oh, the Lions. It takes a special kind of team to take the one game on their schedule they can feasibly win, knock the opposing starting quarterback out of the game, take a lead into the 4th quarter… then allow Tarvaris Jackson to engineer a comeback. Lions lose, 20-16. It’s kind of beautiful, in a way.
There are other shitty teams in the NFL. The Chiefs’ and Seahawks’ records are just as bad as the Rams’. The Bills looked like ass again as their epic meltdown continues. Oakland is a GD mess. But all those teams show flashes of promise, glimmers of hope.
I can’t think of another season where three teams have been this bad — just total cesspools of crapitude and surefire wins for opponents. The Lions will get all the attention for going winless, but let’s not overlook the historic shittiness of their counterparts. Bravo, Detroit, St. Louis, and Cincy: you suck.
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/mike-tomlin-omar-epps-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/eric_wood_draft-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/canada-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/favre_iraq_detainee-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/ricky_williams-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/roy_williams_fumble-135x135.jpg)
There are 10 comments about:
MONDAY SUCK-OFF: ICE-COLD SUCKING
Yes, Oakland has shown “flashes of promise” and “glimmers of hope.” Usually just enough to raise my spirits high enough to make the next crushing loss that much more painful. Fuckers.
Lewis and Marinelli need not worry; they can always parlay their ineptitude and slide into the 2 remaining SEC openings.
What’s that? Neither has a dad named Monte Kiffin?
Never mind.
Oakland will show plenty of promise next week against New England’s defense of retirees and undrafted rookies.
But then JaMarcus Russell will throw an INT to Junior Seau and blow the game in the 4th quarter, but the retards who dress up like Shredder in Oakland’s Black Hole will have something to get excited about for 45 minutes.
Tuck Rule II: Electric Boogaloo
Ironically, the dumbest thing that the Lions did yesterday was injure Gus Frerrote.
Gus Frerotte sucks balls. I hope he needs a backiotomy and is done for the season. The Age of Tarvaris is Now.
“Ahhhh, Pittsburgh. Don’t ever change.”
Don’t worry, that toilet will never be flushed.
Gus Frerrote sux, Precarious Jackson sux, looks like the mighty Vikes are going to stumble into another embarassing first round loss to a wild card. Just one (good) Quarterback and 50 cc’s of diuretic away from another superbowl. Jeez…
damn.. i was hoping it would’ve been Romo.
This week will forever be known as “The Great Fantasy Football Collapse of 08′”
Comment on this post:
You must be logged in to post a comment. Not yet a member, register for free.