SSC Napoli have been a surprising upstart in Italy’s Serie A this season, but many of its excellent young players have been targeted by Premiership teams in England.  And Napoli team president Aurelio De Laurentiis, having grown tired of the constant transfer talk, has issued a grave warning as to why his players should stay in Italy.

“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

As much as I despise Italian soccer and Italian men, I have to give Aurelio some credit for building a solid argument.  The lifestyle and the food are way better in Italy than in England.  And yeah, the women are light years hotter, too.

But the stinky vagina card seems a bit unfair.  Everyone knows British chicks’ panties evaporate when they see a guy kick a soccer ball.  And I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe Keeley Hazell’s hoo-hah smells like anything but flowers and honey.  With a hint of bacon.

[Dirty Tackle]