Here’s a quick look at some things I won’t be covering in detail before the year ends.

• Busted Coverage reveals sports’ hottest D-list power couple: Lingerie Football League player/Playboy model Melany Denyse (pictured) and MMA fighter KJ Noons.  Follow the links to see more pictures of her — some of them without her shirt!  Hooray!
• Larry Fitzgerald allegedly got a little rough with his baby mama.  She says he, uh, spiked her face. [Sports by Brooks]
• Rolling Stone goes in-deep in its coverage of real-life superheroes.  Melany Denyse’s Catwoman can save me from the evils of blue balls.
• Say goodbye to the rest of your afternoon: the top 35 viral videos of the year.  [YepYep]
• Hey, the Armed Forces Bowl is on!  And you’re missing it!  Here’s an update.  [Every Day Should Be Saturday]
• Watch the ball drop tonight on CNN, where Andersoon Cooper will host with foil Kathy Griffin. [TiFaux]

Check back in at midnight Eastern time for a special New Year’s post.  Until then, drink heavily, and don’t drive anywhere.

The year was 1981.  America was swept up by a Ronald Reagan who still had most of his mental faculties.  New Wave was moving in on the Disco Era, white people had moved on from quaaludes to cocaine, and some enterprising producer sought to create a rightful heir to The Village People.  And so there came to be The All Sports Band.

The sheer ridiculousness of it was overwhelming. You had a baseball player, kick boxer (who apparently was a hockey player in concept, but was switched when they realized skates would be pretty hard to wear onstage), race car driver, football player, and boxer. Apparently after a long day of playing their respective sports, they wanted to rock out a little…

They never toured, and never released another album. In fact, interest in the album they did release was so low, that it hardly shipped to stores. Most copies that exist are promo editions that were sent to radio stations.

This is precisely the sort of thing for which “EPIC FAIL” was coined.  They didn’t just fail.  They failed spectacularly.  In the 1980s. That’s amazing to me.  I thought every horrible idea was just accepted blindly in the ’80s.  Shoulder pads in women’s jackets, Ewoks, trickle-down economics… and yet there was no room for the All Sports Band.  If any of these guys are still alive, they’re turning tricks for closeted drunks in a highway underpass.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(thanks to Upstate Underdog, video after the jump) Read the rest of this entry »

I’m way too lazy to go through the archives and make year-end lists and top-ten compilations, but I’m willing to acknowledge when it’s done well elsewhere. Manofest compiled what it believes are the ten hottest videos of girls in bikinis playing sports. Are there Japanese girls bouncing? You betcha.

The scene above — hot oil wrestling from The L Word — comes in at #2. And I can personally assure you that that is beyond fake. I’ve personally been to jello wrestling events that cater to lesbians, and you’re much less likely to see lipstick femmes than you are the bad haircuts and wispy mustaches common only to teenage boys and dykes. Sorry.

U.S. Bikini Bowling Team after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Inter Milan midfielder Luis Jiminez is married to model Maria Jose Lopez.  Last year, tabloid reports claimed that she spent the night with another Chilean soccer player, Mauricio Pinilla of Brazil’s Vasco de Gama, while Jiminez was in Jamaica playing for the national team.  This week, the two players ended up at the same Santiago night club, and the alleged cuckold got a little assault-y (via The Spoiler):

According to a number of reports, Jimenez, nicknamed “the little wizard,” attacked Pinilla with a blunt instrument, causing three blows to the head and the victim of the attack was forced to go to hospital for treatment and was diagnosed with head trauma and a neck injury…

According to the local media, Mauricio Pinilla had approached the couple at the nightclub and was warned to back off. Failing to heed the warnings a fight broke out with Pinilla getting thumped by Jimenez.

Eh, sounds about right.  I can really see both sides here.  Like, I’d be willing to get clubbed in the head to sleep with her.  And I’d definitely be willing to club another man for her.  But then, that’s my answer for everything.  Club club club, whack whack whack, problem solved.  Sorry for the mess, everyone.

(Images via here and here.  NOTE: The last pic is pretty much NSFW, but nobody’s really working today and I don’t really care, so whatever.)

I actually kinda watched part of last night’s Holiday Bowl, and it wasn’t not entertaining.  For something on in the background, anyway.  For those of you who had better things to do, Oregon rallied to score five second-half touchdowns in beating Oklahoma State, 42-31.

I include the video highlights above because three of the TDs are pretty sweet: Jeremiah Johnson’s 76-yard run, quarterback Jeremiah Masoli’s safety-flattening 41-yard score (one of his three rushing TDs), and the game-sealing 29-yard run by LeGarrette Blount, who hurdled a defender, then carried several more on his back the final ten yards into the end zone. Good stuff. Also, anything bad that happens to the state of Oklahoma has to be good. How else could I love tornadoes so much?

NBA Hall of Famer and TNT analyst Charles Barkley was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early this morning in a Phoenix suburb.  TMZ says:

Barkley was arrested by the Gilbert Police Department at a DUI checkpoint and had his blood tested on scene by a mobile DUI task force. He was released a short time later and took a taxi home.

I’m in favor of rich and famous doing every single kind of crime except for DUI.  I will never never never understand why people who have the extra cash insist on driving when they go out (especially in Maricopa County, where Sheriff Joe Arpaio is a noted hardass about DUI).  If I had the money you could bet your sweet A I’d have a chauffeur take me everywhere.  And I’d make him talk all proper.  “To the burlesque, Master Ufford?”