Santonio Holmes, mercifully cropped at the waist

NFL — Here’s all you need to know about the Steelers’ 27-10 victory over the Bengals: it was snowy and the Steelers’ defense was good.  And Cincy QB Ryan Fitzpatrick can make a defense look even better.  In minor statistical news, TJ Houshmandzadeh took over #1 wide receiver duties by catching four passes for 20 yards.  Thank you very little, asshole.

NBA — The Lakers cruised past the Suns 105-92 to improve to 9-1.  Six Lakers scored in the double digits, with Vladimir Radmonovic notably going 5-for-5 from 3-point range.  Kobe Bryant finished with 24 points and zero tastings of Shaq’s ass… Boston 98, Detroit 80: Yeah, that whole “AI trade was awesome” thing isn’t redeemable at every Pistons game.

MLB — George Steinbrenner finally stepped down as boss of the Yankees.  Taking his place will be not blustery son Hank, but his other son, Hal.  Hal?  HAL??? … Phillies star Chase Utley will have surgery on his hip and miss the beginning of the ’09 season.  Same story with my grandma.

NHL – NHL?  NHL!  The Red Wings got three power play goals in a 4-3 win over the Oilers… Peter Sykora scored a PPG with 2:40 remaining to give the Pens their seventh win in eight games, validating that “Score-a Sykora!” sign I made… Remaining NHL results here.

College Football — Georgia Tech ran for a — **looks at stat sheet, eyes pop out** “AAA-WOOOOGA!” — 472 (!!!) yards in a dismantling of Miami last night.  Hey, anyone else never watch the Thusday night game?  Cool, so it’s not just me.

NCAA Hoops — Michigan scored a shocking upset of #4 UCLA in a — hold on, let me count all these points — 55-52 barnburner. **wanking motion** … Now this is more like it: Texas Tech had TEN players score in double figures in a 167-115 victory over East Central, in what was essentially a series of suicide sprints.  Is Mike Leach coaching the basketball team now too?