I suppose new jet pack records aren’t technically sports news, but if you don’t want to read about people in jet packs flying over gorges, F-CK YOU.  Eric Scott flew 1500 feet and braved the possibility of an 1100-foot plunge without a parachute when

The jet pack carried only 33 seconds of fuel, which gave him no time to spare to cross the chasm. He made the crossing at 12:20 p.m. in 21 seconds, flying at 75 mph, according to Go Fast Sports & Beverage, which sponsored the stunt…

“It’s pretty much incomparable to anything I’ve done in the past,” Scott said last week via cell phone from Mexico City, where he was performing similar — though not quite as daunting — feats with the jet pack. [read: jet pack donkey show - Ed.]

The pack’s designer wants to add a turbine engine that could increase flight time to nine minutes, but I think we can all agree that that’s still not enough time for an effective killing spree that terrorizes half the city.