Well, the baseball playoffs begin… **checks schedule**… holy crap! Today? Yes, right. Of course. The baseball playoffs begin today, and it’s only fair that I provide my peerless insight into the… whatsitcalled… Fall Classic? They call the World Series the Fall Classic, right? So is there a nickname for the playoffs, or can I just call it the Shit Leading Up To The Fall Classic?
Well, then. I guess it’s time for me to crack my knuckles and deliver some scorching baseball analysis. Right after I check the waiver wire in my fantasy football league.
NLDS: Milwaukee Brewers (90-72) versus Philadelphia Phillies (92-70)
Game 1: U.S.S. Cole Hamels (14-10, 3.09) versus Mordecai “Three Fingers” Gallardo (0-0, 1.88), 3:00 ET today
I predict I will watch as many as three, possibly four innings of this entire series. CC Sabathia FTW. Milwaukee in five.
NLDS: Los Angeles Dodgers (84-78) versus Chicago Cubs (97-64)
Game 1: Derek Lowe (14-11, 3.24) versus Ryan Dempster (17-6, 2.96), 6:30 ET tonight
Joe Torre, Manny Ramirez, Derek Lowe, Nomar Garciaparra… why, it’s the 2003 ALCS! Go Yankees! The Cubs are the heavy favorites to come out of the NL, but a lot of people think the late-surging Dodgers are just the team to derail them. Cubs in five. Hey, what’s one more jinx?
ALDS: Boston Red Sox (95-67) versus Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim California America (100-62)
Game 1: Jon “Mo” Lester (16-6, 3.21) versus John “Cacka” Lackey (12-5, 3.75), 10:00 ET tonight
The Angels have lost nine consecutive postseason series games to the Sox since blowing a 3-1 lead in the ’86 ALCS — including ALDS sweeps in Boston’s ’04 and ’07 championship seasons. But the Angels beat the Red Sox eight out of nine times this season, suggesting that their improved lineup should be enough to finally get past the Sawx. That, however, won’t stop me from making a harebrained prediction: Boston in four.
ALDS: Chicago White Stockings versus Tampa Bay Christian-friendly Rays
Game 1: Tomorrow night
I’d love for Ken Griffey, Jr. to get a well-deserved world championship, but not at the cost of hearing Ozzie Guillen speak. Some people think the White Sox will have momentum; I think they blew their load just getting to the playoffs. Tampa Bay in four.