10.10.08 WEEKEND PICKS: LACE ‘EM UP

What to watch for in this weekend’s biggest matchups. One team or another in ALL CAPS. Photo from BC

Tonight: PHILLIES over Dodgers. Joe Torre has a unique management style — None. Phils in four.

RAYS over Red Sox. The Rays are a team of destiny. But not a team of Destin, which is 6-hour drive northeast of Tampa.

NBA vs. NHL (push). Call back in February, or start having a meaningful regular season. Either or.

Saturday: No. 1 OKLAHOMA over No. 5 Texas. By far the best game of the day. This should be the Sooners’ year.

No. 22 NORTH CAROLINA over Notre Dame. There’s been some argument that ND should be ranked. That argument will end this weekend.

Arkansas over No. 20 AUBURN. My upset pick for the week. And yes, Arkansas is terrible this year, but let’s see how Tuberville does in his first week of calling his own plays.

Sunday: FALCONS over Bears. The horseshoe won’t fall out of Orton’s ass just yet, but his play won’t be enough to beat out the rookie Ryan, who’s making everyone forget about Michael Vick.

Ravens over COLTS. Close the roof, Indy, and hope you can pass against that Baltimore front. Peyton’s really been struggling this year; I’ve only seen him in one TV commercial this season!

CHARGERS over Patriots. West coast douche always beats east coast douche. By exactly three hours.

We’re dark this weekend. So don’t expect us to walk any faster when we’re crossing the street.