THIS SITE JUST GOT 1,000% SEXIER
10.10.08
Oh, hello. I’m Drew Magary. Blogger. Author. Provocateur. Gayboy. That’s my picture right there. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes. That IS my family’s coat of arms on my shirt! I’ve had it stitched into all my clothing and linens, even the poopy towels.
Anyhoo, I’ll be helping out here a little bit today while Ufford is traveling to England to trace his family’s very white and pasty ancestry. I recommended he try the Indian food. After all, British people are short, and gay, and only like to watch brain-numbing sports. But they make a mean tikka masala. You get that with one of those 478 fl. oz. Kingfisher bottles, and you got yourself a solid meal.
I’d also like to take a moment here to announce the MEN WITH BALLS blog tour. I’ll be taking over this site for the entire day on Wednesday, October 29th. Then Deadspin the next day. Then Yahoo’s Shutdown Corner on Halloween. All to whore a book that you, fair reader, no longer have the money to buy. Hooray! So stay tuned for more fun later today. And, by all means, please feel free to ridicule my general appearance in the comments below. I suggest you start with the double chin. Look at that flap. You could make a doggie door out of it.
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Is that bedhead or did you do that on purpose?
Actually, I was going to start with the hair, which was no doubt tousled in a playful manner by a pedarest mailman. And let’s not forget the slightly unfocused gaze that says, “I’m not saying I’m fondling my balls right now, but I’m not NOT saying it either!”
But you suggest the double chin? Fine. Travis Barker would like to use th underside of your chin to cover his exposed charcoaled femur.
And, uh, welcome!
That headline has a typo. It should be a decimal.
that picture will haunt my dreams tonight. Also, grow some f’ing chest hair.
The cold, empty stare of a psycopath who would rape your dog and make your hot sister eat dog food.
this site always gets 1,000% fatter when I comment here.
aww man.. i think i bought one of drew’s family’s shirts. I probably supported some under ground homosexual, racist society, or NAMBLA
and Punch – I’m pretty sure it’s actually supposed to be a negative integer considering the last picture was two co-eds in various states of undress making out on kegs.
By all means, have another Toaster Struddle…..
I just got eye raped.
You will be hearing from my lawyer.
Can’t tear… self… away.
GAHHHH
I got nothing. Wanted to be a dick about it, but nope…na da.
Gay.
Whore.
you’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
That dude’s so gay I’ll bet he gets high on Tuesday nights after his daughter is asleep and then writes about dolphins.
THIS SITE JUST GOT 1,000% MORE MIDDLE EARTHY.
@ pauly – eye rape is better then gun rape
He is a loathsome offensive brute, yet I can’t look away….
Santa’s just not responding to that facial hair wish, eh?
pillsbury dough boy, i love your crescent rolls.
I feel very lucky that the grostesque picture won’t load on my computer.
Huh, I always thought of Ufford as sort of “pasty”, but he actually has a pretty decent tan.
somewhere, a young girl is recommitting herself to celibacy
Let’s all pray that Drew’s children get their mother’s looks.
Is Drew able to walk into a wall while supporting an erection without fear of injury?
Discuss…
You should probably talk to the guy who applied your spray-tan and ask for a discount the next time. Jesus, man, do you live in a cave?
With Douche
All to whore a book that you, fair reader, no longer have the money to buy. Hooray!
Ha! Jokes on you Drew….I already bought the book.
Oh.
Nick Nolte is embarrassed by this mugshot.
Also, since I bought the book, that also means I have bought the right to call you a pasty fat cumdrinker.
GIVE ME BACK MY SON!! You pedophile
You look like Andy Richter and Brian Peppers had a baby and then sent him to prep school.
You’re ugly.
I’m really not very good at this.
Hey look!
Its the clown from ‘It’!
Your book better be more funny than Leitch’s.
Your name is an anagram of GAY DREAMWR, which mean’s you’re a closet homo with poor typing skills. I bet your dream job would be waiting tables at a gay nightclub in full drag, bragging to the customers about your revolutionary “bangers & mashed” dicktucking technique.
After I finish beating off to porn in the town library, I might have to see if your book is in.
And a second on ‘be more funny than Leitch’s.’ What a hack.
Not pictured: Man With Balls.
“I wouldn’t fuck that with a stolen dick.”
-George Carlin
I didn’t know that Corky from “Life Goes On” had any kids???
Maybe Buzz Bissinger was onto something…
A red head? Throw him in the water, if doesn’t drown – he’s a witch.
I had that same shirt in 89′ when I was freshman in highschool,
@DEF Pennywise
If you didn’t have a shirt on you and the wall would become one.
But for the love of my eyes…don’t take your shirt off.
hi drew, im chris hanson. why dont you take a seat…….
I commend With Leather for opening the door to lesbian sports bloggers. You are the Brooklyn Dodgers of the internets.
You look like a computer rendering of what the aborted fetus of Peter Billingsly and the Pillsbury Doughboy would have looked like had it survived the embryonic surgery to attempt to remove the “attempted suicide for attention by a frat pledge” gene.
Oh yea, and they’re in the men’s department next to the boxer-briefs marked UNDERSHIRTS virtually anywhere you pick up flavored condoms for your lover Raul, Shithead.