SITE NEWS!
10.01.08
There is no site news. That was a ruse. I just didn’t like the idea of someone as unsexy as Robert Swift hanging around the top of the page all night. Man that dude is ugly. I really didn’t think an actual human being could be so unattractive. He’s like a Frankenstein’s monster made from the ugliest pieces of ugly people. The perfect storm of ugly.
But, uh, I’m sure he’s beautiful on the inside. I’m not sure what that means, but I saw a TV show where an ugly girl became popular, and they said it’s because real beauty is on the inside. So there you go. I guess that means Swift’s lower intestine is stuffed with wildflowers or something.
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I would give Scarlett Johanssen a facial, a pearl necklace and an anal creampie all in one session.
Then Merk and his homie WhyDoYouAsk could come lick it all up afterwards. =)
I asked some cheerleaders for their thoughts on Robert Swift, and they confirmed that he did not, indeed, have an alibi.
That dude’s so ugly his body is covered with small circles where he was poked with 10-foot poles.
That dude’s so ugly the stuck him in the zoo to keep the monkeys from jerking off.
That dude’s so ugly that….
/out of recycled “ugly mamma” jokes
He so ugly that when he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house.
he’s so ugly, his teammates hang his picture in their cars to keep their stereos from being stolen
he’s so ugly, his pillow cries
now that i think about it, this motherfucker looks like laura dern (with more tats and better nails)
“I guess that means Swift’s lower intestine is stuffed with wildflowers or something.”
Only one way to find out. I’ll bring the machete, you bring the Absolut.