I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Marisa Miller. Her new spread in Complex will make you want to rub your face all over her body.  So in that regard, it’s like every other Marisa spread ever.

2. UFC.  Looking stronger than ever since EliteXC went tits-up this week.

3. Sex Olympia.  Aw, man!  I have to wait until next August for the Triple Hump?

4. The Canadian Women’s Biathlon Team.  Because, really, we could all use some more naked women with guns.

5. Angola Prison Rodeo.  Three words that, to me, connote brutal AIDS-ridden anal rape.  But actually, it’s fun for the whole family!

6. Todd Yoder.  Put pictures of your digusting bruise that runs the length of your leg on a blog, win a spot in the power rankings.  I also accept photos of brokens arms where the ulna and/or radius punctures the skin.

7. Dildos on the ice.  So much better than octopi.  Although I suppose the Japanese may disagree.

8. Stephon Marbury.  He watched the debates at a homeless shelter.  He’s completely insane, yet oddly principled — the kind of praise usually reserved for Anton Chigurh.

9. Derek Jeter.  Yeah, yeah: your girlfriend is a hot and famous starlet.  Whatever.  Dickhead.

10. Bill Cosby.  Judging by this video, Stephon Marbury watched the debates with him.