10.10.08 POWER RANKINGS: BODY BLOWS

I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Gina Carano. I find it refreshing to have a female athlete that doesn’t give a shit about her weight.

2. South Park. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. That is all.

3. Japanese Game Shows. They just keep getting more and more awesome. It’s like somebody’s mind was cracked open and I fell inside.

4. Kyle Orton. Seriously. Five TDs and over 500 yards passing in his last two games. He’s a solid waiver pickup in this uncertain fantasy quarterbacking climate.

5. CBS Sports’ James Brown. Calling a spade a spade. You go, sir.

6. Kellen Winslow’s Balls. The size of grapefruits, I tell ya! No, really bro. You need to get those things checked out.

7. Skype. Hey, it works for Kendra Wilkinson.

8. The gays. Connecticut loves you! Well, the courts do, anyway.

9. The Cincinnati Bengals. A real shot at 0-16 doesn’t come that often. I’m cherishing it. And by cherishing, I mean I’m ready to become a Lions fan.

10. Clemson football. Nice work last night, fellas. Coach Bowden, you’re doing a great job.