Phillies 6, Brewers 2 — With a Game 4 win in Milwaukee, the Phillies clinched a date with the Dodgers in the NLCS, the Phils’ first advance that far since their 1993 World Series appearance. Pat Burrell homered twice for Philadelphia, while Joe Blanton shut down Ryan Braun & Co, allowing one run and striking out seven in six innings. About that 1993 thing, don’t worry, Philadelphia. Brad Lidge is nothing like Mitch Williams. Mwahahahaha!
White Sox 5, Rays 3 — The Sox returned to the South Side and staved off elimination thanks to another clutch performance by John Danks. Less than a week after he saved Chicago’s season with a 1-0 win over Minnesota for the AL Central title, Danks again notched a victory in a must-win game. Pitching tonight for Chicago: someone who’s going to lose.
Angels 5, Red Sox 4 (12 innings) — Mike Napoli homered twice, then scored the go-ahead run in the 12th as the Angels kept their season alive and snapped their 11-game postseason losing streak to the Red Sox. Jon Lester and John Lackey will encore their Game 1 duel tonight in Fenway, where the douchometers will be reading off the charts.
Saturday
Dodgers 3, Cubs 1 — EPIC FAIL

THAT WAS SOME FINE DANDY FUCKING WORK MY REPLACEMENT DID TO KIMBO! CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE IF *I* HAD BEEN IN THERE? YEAH, TKO IN THE SECOND ROUND!
Thanks for making me click to another page to read a two-word recap of the Dodgers/Cubs game. No really, I mean it. No sarcasm. It’s the highlight of my day so far.
Fuck the Cubs. I’m a Tampa fan for life now. Go players whom I know little or nothing about!
The bird is the word.
The Philadelphia Phillies are primed and ready to lose the World Series to baseball hotbed Tampa Bay.