On Wednesday night, the Maple Leafs’ Niklas Hagman scored the decisive goal in a shootout with the Devils, and it’s easily the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in a hockey game. Well, the coolest thing that doesn’t involve people punching each other, or Plexiglass shattering, or a skate cutting open someone’s neck.
Hagman scored by using his skates to spray ice shavings in Martin Brodeur’s face as he flicked a backhand home, a maneuver so simple and effective (and dastardly) that I can’t believe I haven’t seen it done before. Although, to be fair, I only watch about 40 seconds of hockey per week. This could be happening every five minutes in every game and I wouldn’t know.
Police reports from last week’s overdose case that happened at Isiah Thomas’s home confirm that the man who received emergency care had stopped breathing. The name of the patient is redacted from the report, but let’s be adults here: it was Isiah Thomas. That may get me sued, but whatever, I’m just saying what’s completely obvious.
In the report, a police officer says he went to the former Knicks coach’s home… in response to a report of “[blank] not breathing.” “Upon my arrival I assisted [another officer] who was administering O2 to [blank] lying on the kitchen floor,” the report said…
Authorities have not publicly identified Thomas as the accidental overdose victim, but a person familiar with the case, speaking on condition of anonymity because the police report had not been released, confirmed to the AP that it was Thomas.
Would a little transparency here kill us? What’s the big deal? So he had an overdose. Join the club. Hell, I tried to drink myself to death last night, but you don’t see me lying to reporters and being all coy with police reports. Man up. Take a little pride in your suicide attempts.
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It’s been confirmed now that Mike Singletary took a unique line of reasoning when motivating his team at the half of their loss to the Seahawks on Sunday. He took off his pants and showed them the One-Eyed Pirate Of Doom.
At halftime of that game, Singletary called for the attention of his players. He then dropped his pants, turned around and pointed to his backside. He used this occasion and that visual to describe what happened to his team in the first half.
A NFL source inside the room confirmed the story…and added that Singletary then addressed the team for 3-4 minutes with his pants around his ankles.
The 49ers trailed 20-3 at halftime. They would lose the game, 34-13.
Because nothing inspires a roomful of guys like staring into a man’s anus. That move totally would have worked if the San Francisco 49ers actually had fielded players who hailed from San Francisco. They would have won that game and then sprinted straight to the bars. Adhere to the first rule of public speaking — know your audience…and know that your audience does NOT want to stare into your poop canal. Save it for the bedroom, Sparky.
[Ben Maller, via AZ Republic]
We can all agree that Steelers quarterback and motorcycle safety advocate Ben Roethlisberger is a role model for absolutely no one. And as if we needed reinforcement on that matter, Roethlisberger is now speaking up about how uncomfortable he is playing in DC, mentioning…the cheerleaders? From DC Sports Bog, via the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
I’m not a big fan of playing there because it is loud, they’re really good at home and they try to make their cheerleaders stretch in our tunnel before we come out of the locker room. That’s just not good,” Roethlisberger said yesterday.
I don’t remember Kordell Stewart ever having this problem. He used to run out of that tunnel with nothing but his teammates on his mind. He’d get under center and stick those big manly hands of his right under…yeah, so this is conclusive evidence that Big Ben is the gayest quarterback in Steelers history.
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