10.06.08 MONDAY SUCK-OFF: TOO MUCH SAGE
Minus a few blowouts, Sunday’s NFL action offered a good slate of closely fought games. The Redskins won another tough NFC East road game, beating the Eagles 23-17 to up their record to 4-1 and raise the special breed of Beltway-area douchey homerism to Bostonian levels. The Titans rallied late to eke out a 13-10 win in their slugfest against the Ravens; the lowly Bengals looked tough against the Cowboys, rallying from a 17-0 deficit before Dallas put Cincy away 31-22; and the Steelers were gutsy as hell in their 26-21 win over the Jags.
However, this is the Suck-Off, and the focus should really be on the teams and players who completely blew ass. And, as with almost every other week, the Lions and Chiefs looked horrible. Detroit were impressively awful in a 34-7 blowout at home; Jon Kitna left after a half with “back spasms,” which is coach-speak for “massive sucking.” Kansas City managed to suck even harder, getting shut out at Carolina 34-0. DeAngelo Williams ran for 123 yards and scored three touchdowns, meeting his quota of one good game per year.
Other teams traveled all the way across the country just to suck. The Seahawks didn’t even play yesterday, allowing the Plaxico-less Giants to score on their first six possessions en route to a brutal 44-6 loss. The previously undefeated Bills, who embarrassed Seattle in Week 1, traveled to Arizona, where Kurt Warner and the mighty Cardinals kicked their ass all over the field, 41-17. Those footsteps the Bills hear? That’s the rest of the AFC East.
But there’s only one team that can earn Suck-Off bragging rights, and here I must tip my cap, as the Texans became the early favorite for Suck-Off Performance of the Year. Houston led the Colts 27-10 in the 4th quarter, then gave up three touchdowns in just over two minutes thanks to a pair of Sage Rosenfels fumbles. Rosenfels, given one last chance at redemption to win the game with a touchdown drive in the two-minute drill, instead threw an interception. I mean, I watched my team get blown out by more than five touchdowns yesterday, and I was just happy to not be a Texans fan. Like a porn star that died too young, that was a lot of sucking in a very short time. You earned this, Mr. Rosenfels. Bravo.
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There are 10 comments about:
MONDAY SUCK-OFF: TOO MUCH SAGE
Much like the Indy game, the Suck-Off is Rosenfels’ to lose, but how about an honorable mention for LT? Kimbo Slice put up more of a fight this weekend.
Hey, Drunken Eagles Fan…
(doing the motion where I’m air-skullfucking you)
–Jim Zorn
In opposite world Sage scored a shit ton of fantasy points for someone.
The Bills defense can now suck a golf ball through a garden hose after that Arizona performance.
See Houston…that’s what happens when you leave your team in the hands of a ginger.
I am in shock. Who ever would’ve thought Sage Rosenfels would do such a thing. Totally out of character. Who knew he had it in him to be leading the Colts by so much with so little time left? I’m amazed.
That Eagles game was awesome. I told the guys that drive to the game with me that if Westbrook played, we would kill them. I then predicted we would go up 14-0 within the first few minutes of the game. Man, you should have seen my drunk ass beaming like my shit don’t stink as we are singing the fight song as my buddy patted me on the back after the Jackson punt return that puts us up 14-0 and said “You called it man, that was awesome!”.
And then I got Zorn-ed.
Thats was a fun pro football season while it lasted.
Pardon me as I drift back into my coma-state at my desk……
You could leave an infant in a crib for two weeks with no diapers and feed him jar after jar of Gerber’s refried beans, and he still wouldn’t shit the bed half as bad as Sage Rosenfels did. Not since Kellen Winslow Jr.’s fumble-six at the end of the Browns/Patriots game last year have I seen gambling money slip through my fingers so torturously.
oh come on! the lions suck way more than anyone else. theyre the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked
“Like a porn star that died too young, that was a lot of sucking in a very short time.”
*tear* That was beautiful, man.
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