Ah, southern Ohio never disappoints: an 89-year-old woman named Edna Jester has refused to return an errant football that some neighborhood children kicked into her yard. She was taken to the local police station and charged with petty theft after refusing to accept a citation, invoking her right as an American to be the most boring cliche possible.
But before we condemn her as a lame-ass old bitch whose family doesn’t visit her for a reason, let’s not forget that the supposed “good guys” in this story are teenagers. And teenagers are the only human beings as vile as old people. If this planet were the least bit cool, kids aged 13-18 and people older than 65 would be shipped off to camps at the bottom of the ocean where they could focus on things like annoying each other, and trying in vain to breathe.
[Higher quality video available at NBC Chicago]
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Yee ha, [Edna] Jester’s dead!
/Wishful thinking (quoting Goose)
Viper?
where the fuck is dr kevorkian when you need him? this old wind bag needs to go.
Just let the cops shoot anyone they want in southern Ohio – teenagers, little kids, old, middle aged, young – in fact, just call in rolling thunder.
Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
This will make it into McCain’s stump speech: “And I will let all the Ednas out there KEEP balls thrown in their yard by punk kids…if you vote for THAT ONE (makes big-lipped gesture), he’ll take Edna’s ball away!”
Just Give It Back You Old Hag
Same thing Tootie Ramsey said to another Edna (Garrett)about her cherry.
/don’t know what that means
I for one know exactly what Edna will do.
/”You will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep”
Southern Ohioans are working their way up to taking the footballs away from the Bengals. They made need more ammo though.
Halloween is going to be so much fun for Edna after pissing off teenagers… someone’s going to have a “fell asleep smoking in bed” episode – old people do that shit all the time (even if they don’t smoke.)
I bet Edna was quite the looker before electricity.
“You better handcuff me or I might hurt somebody.”
Sit down before you fall down, ya old bat.
Love the sidewalk to nowhere, Edna.
The only winners here are the producers of HGTV’s Curb Appeal.
then the teenagers were reported to say “You’re killin me, smalls.”
Breaking news update: the police have announced that Edna is also being charged with being a frigid, unfunny, old bitch for her clearly joking statement about handcuffing her because she “might hurt somebody, might runaway.”
This is why they have retirement homes…. and assisted suicide.
Well…they showed where she keeps the ball, and she may be going to jail, so the house’ll be empty…all I’m saying is take the tv and jewellery also. Then you can blame it on crackheads from across the tracks.