Things aren’t going all that well for Newcastle United. After club legend Kev Keegan resigned in disgust, Joe Kinnear was named the interim manager while owner Mike Ashley (this demure wallflower) sells the team. Kinnear took offense to some of the things written about him during his first week, and his first press conference went a little something like this:
Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird?
Bird: Me.
Kinnear: You’re a cunt.
Bird: Thank you.
It gets better from there; Kinnear embarks on a carpet-F-bombing mission, dropping 52 of them over the course of 13 minutes. Only four per minute? Pussy. Also, if you can listen to the entire thing without wandering off and doing something else, you deserve the Ritalin Attention Span Award. I always thought I could listen to people going off and swearing all day, but apparently it’s more like two minutes. But then, my attention span was never very DOGGIE! Who’s a good dog?!? You are! Oh, you want a belly rub? Yes you do!
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Man, talk about a slow day.
[yawn]
That dog has a puffy tail! Hee hee hee hee hee! Here pup! Here pup!
Another dog-related Simpsons quote because I have no sense of humor of my own….
“Crying isn’t going to bring the dog back … unless your tears smell like dog food. Maybe if you ate a lot of dog food, your tears would start to smell like dog food. So you can sit here and eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food so it brings the dog back, or you can go out and find him…..damn, I almost had the boy eating dog food.”
Reached for comment, the chairman of the League Managers Association replied, “Fuck you, fuckball.” No, wait, that was Ray ‘Bones’ Barboni. Easy mistake to make, they go to the same tailor.
Brother Greg was unavailable for comment.
He also had this to say to Kev Keegan:
“Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin’ neck ain’t you. Retired? Fuck off, you’re revolting. Look at your suntan, it’s leather, it’s like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk? What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and fuck off? Leave the table? Thanks Joe, see you Joe, off to sunny Spain now Joe, fuck off Joe. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I’m gonna have that? You really think I’m gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I’ll make it easy for you. God knows you’re fucking trying. Are you gonna do the job? It’s not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?”
I think the gut punch at the end sealed the deal.
Yes yes yes yes! +1 Otto Man
@Otto & AEVC: Same guy playing Don and Gandhi. If you haven’t seen “You Kill Me” yet, do. Sir Ben is a great actor, on par with Olivier and Kutcher.
/punches own cock for even joking like that
I know Greg Kinnear wouldn’t have taken that shit.
Ironically, people that drink New Castle are also cunts.