10.27.08 I THINK THEY HANDLED THAT WELL
“Don’t you hate pants?!?”
Penn State beat Ohio State in Columbus for the first time in like a hundred years this weekend, and the student body of State College took to the streets to tear down light poles, destroy parking meters, uproot plant life, and climb on top of cars. Shockingly, police in riot gear showed up and gave the mob a nice glaze of mace.
Officers from surrounding townships, clad in riot gear, emptied cans of pepper spray into crowds of bystanders, who in response chanted: “Please don’t Mace us!”
Clap! Clap! Clap-clap-clap!
“No one did anything bad until the cops showed up,” said Ryan Beberus, a senior from Dallas, Pa. “I guess the sight of riot police is enough to start a riot.”
Wow. That kid’s either reading too much Chomsky or a special kind of stupid. Probably the latter, given that it’s Penn State. “Everyone was standing around in an orderly drunken celebration until the riot cops showed up. Then I just… I just don’t know what came over me! The presence of law enforcement officials convinced me I HAD to have a light pole!”
“This is f—— amazing — I’m keeping this f—— light!” Dennis Dunne (senior-hotel, restaurant and institutional management) said, proudly hoisting his end of a fallen street lamp aloft. “I’m going to probably frame it or something, keep it right next to my bed. That’s an artifact right there that will go down in history.”
He’s going to frame part of a street lamp. Because it will go down in history, you see. I thought it would be months until I saw a quote as dumb as that Chomsky kid’s. Turns out I only had to a wait a paragraph.
[Big ups to Busted Coverage for this, including the flickr series]
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There are 18 comments about:
I THINK THEY HANDLED THAT WELL
When you add up the results from everyone in the picture, you almost have one solid SAT score.
State Pen
If they did this after beating Ohio State, imagine what kind of destruction there would be if PSU beat a good team.
“I was just minding my own business, raping this teenage girl in front of her tied up parents, then old Johnny Q. Dickface has to show off his fucking badge.”
Um, yeah, genius. Nobody takes the SAT anymore.
@themuse2009:
sorry for being an adult. Next time I’ll make sure to survey the kids hanging out on Astor Place on how college entrance works these days before making a fucking joke on a sports blog about how stupid PSU students are. Any other helpful advice can be sent to eatadick@fuckyou.douchebag.
What, no lynchings?
I think that OSU needs a team in the Lingerie Football League. They can call themselves the “Ohio State Blackeyes” and the team will be composed entirely of disobedient housewives.
Someone tell Dennis destroying public property won’t help him open his faggy little restaurant!
Just the mature response I expected from captain SAT. Next you will tell us they ripped down the light poles with there “souped up” horse and buggy and then did the Charleston all night long
I’m actually only a Lieutenant.
At least they were polite about it.
(oh, pssssst. By the way. I think you meant “their”, not “there.” The difference is subtle, but not unimportant. Just a little grammar tip from Captain SAT.)
Relax, you guys. SAT’s aren’t a very good measure of intelligence or future success anyways. For example, I got a 1490, and look at how much of a failure I turned out to be (according to my dad, anyhow).
Captain SAT! Permission to join you in making fun of retard, SIR!
ok which one of you bastards is going to make the detroit joke?
Why do you have to ask her permission?
@WDYA:
Permission granted.
Muse:withleather :: …
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