An African soccer player died before a match on Sunday when he drowned in a crocodile-infested river. Why was he in the river, you ask? To help rid the team of evil spirits, of course. Duh.
The Chronicle quoted unnamed sources as saying about 16 players from second division side Midland Portland Cement were told to swim in the Zambezi river in the resort town of Victoria Falls… “The technical team told every player to get into the river so that they could be cleansed of bad spirits,” it said…
“The area where the team was swimming is prohibited as the current is strong. The river is also infested with crocodiles and hippos,” said [police commander Peter] Rodzi. Belief in the power of spirits is widespread in Zimbabwe and many African countries.
You wanna know why the belief in spirits is widespread? Because there are goddam crocodiles and hippos in their rivers. Once — JUST ONCE — I want a story to come out of Africa that isn’t about AIDS or genocidal civil war or terrifying deadly animals. Or the genocide of animals with AIDS. Those poor rhesus monkeys…
(thanks to handsome gentleman Jack for the tip)
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Jobu will come, take fear from feets.
What’s the big deal? This guy clearly had more evil spirits in him than he could handle. We should have done this with OJ and Mike Vick.
“Those poor rhesus monkeys.”
Do Kwik-E-Marts in Africa sell Rhesus Pieces?
One happy story coming out of Africa is that one time I banged a South African chick and didn’t get AIDS. I mean, I don’t think I did. I didn’t get tested or anything, but I’m pretty sure I’m okay.
Between your “Arian Nation” proclamation yesterday and “Rhesus Pieces” today, WDYA, you’re on fire. If you don’t already have a career in marketing, you should embark upon one.
@Zack: Thanks for the kind words…if you’re hiring, please check out my resume on LinkedIn. Just do a search for “Bikini Inspector” + “Hermaphrodite”.
So, were the evil spirits chased away or not?!
to be fair. natural selection has a special section reserved for those who believe a dip in an african river is going to cleanse anything
Charlize Theron. African. Not depressing.
I’ve found that after-morning vomiting, some advil and lots of water is an excellent way of ridding one’s self of bad spirits. Of course, my actions aren’t dictated by some moronic, ancient belief system that requires I accept the existence of ghosts and invisible men in the sky.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for mass.
“JUST ONCE — I want a story to come out of Africa that isn’t about AIDS or genocidal civil war or terrifying deadly animals.”
– And just once I’d like to get laid without having to go to an ATM, a playground, or a morgue first. We all want stuff.
I’m sorry, WDYA, we’re looking for more of a self-starter. Hermaphrodite Bikini Inspectors Incorporated isn’t going to come knocking on your door; you have to come knocking on ours.
Call me crazy, but I’m thinking about investing in Midland Portland Cement.
Africa; almost as good as the middle east, but without the oil or sense of humor.
Yeah, black people and swimming always turns out great.
Mutombosex-why don’t you take pedophilia jokes and hop on a slow boat to China. This is a sports site for guys’ guys, not perverts.
There’ll be dancing in the streets of Midland Portland Cement
/nods to Jeff Stelling
Great pic.
actually Buck, he should go to Laos. the child prostitutes there are much cheaper than in China.
or uh….so I heard.