The World Series returns tonight, with Philly up three games to one, and tied 2-2 in the sixth inning of Game Four. And I must say, I’m quite delighted at the prospect of only having to watch three and a half innings of baseball to see the final outcome. Kudos to you, liquid precipitation! If only every baseball game were as tolerable in length.

A Philly win tonight would have an awful lot of sentimental value. You’re talking about a town that has really suffered for the past 25 years. Although they didn’t really suffer, in the “Pakistani honor rape victim” sense. And the idea of any group of people karmically “deserving” something is pretty stupid. Also, most people from Philly are complete assholes, like this guy. Oh, and we’re also talking about a town that considers griddled cow rectum scraps topped with Cheez Whiz to some kind of sacred foodstuff.

So I guess a Philly win wouldn’t have that much sentimental value of any kind. I suppose the only reason you should really root for Philly to win is so its citizens happily destroy their own town in an orgy of car-tossing and window-smashing like the braindead imbeciles that they are. So go Phillies! And by that I mean: Go nightstick-wielding SWAT teams!

That’s it for me. See you tomorrow at Deadspin, perverts.