To close out the week, we pick the winners of the weekend’s biggest matchups. Home team in ALL CAPS.
Friday: OFFSEASON over Baseball Season. No more baseball highlights for at least…when does the next season begin? Three weeks from now?
Knicks over SIXERS: The Philly Curse is back on, and the Knicks roll to 2-0. Why? Because William Penn is still busy rolling cars on 12th Street. That’s why.
Saturday: Rangers over MAPLE LEAFS. If you find yourself next to a girl that likes hockey, just nonchalantly ask, “So, you think Lundqvist is the real deal?” That whooshing sound you’ll hear next will be her panties hitting the floor. I love hockey.
No 2. ALABAMA over Arkansas State. Jeez, Tide. Don’t hurt yourselves. Who’s next on your schedule? Team Germany?
No. 8 GEORGIA over No. 5 Florida. Tim Tebow will look to circumcize the Dawgs in The World’s Largest Cocktail Party. Hehe, I said ‘cock.’
No. 6 TEXAS TECH over No. 1 Texas. I slept on the Red Raiders last week. Not this time. After drubbing Kansas in their own homecoming game, Tech finally has a chance to pave their own way to the BCS. I say they cash it in.
I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.
1. Abbey Clancey. She’s so attractive it’s actually depressing. It’s like getting proof that God exists, but also learning He doesn’t care about you.
2. Indian summer. This week we got visits from two (well, three) of the summer’s sexiest athletes: Leryn Franco and the Feres twins. Note to self: move to South America.
3. Philadelphia. Congrats on the World Series win, Philly, and thank you for your violent destruction of property and fellow fans. Perhaps Penn State students can one day graduate to your level of mayhem.
4. Sponsored links. Have you ever clicked on a link promoting a man cave before? Oh yes, you can win your very own man cave. Terrified? Intrigued? Is it what you think it is? Only one way to find out.
5. Drew Magary. Thanks to the Men With Balls author for running the site on Wednesday. I hope you enjoyed his comedic stylings. I certainly enjoyed the day off. Be sure to buy his book, and don’t forget about the nice things I said about the FreeDarko book, either.
Oh, man. This is a good one. I was dyin’ when I heard it. Ready? So, okay, Madonna, A-Rod, and Jerry Seinfeld walk into a bar… Wait. No, that’s not quite right. Lemme try again. So Madonna and A-Rod take separate helicopters to Seinfeld’s 12-acre estate in the Hamptons:
Our spies say the clandestine East End meeting between soon-to-be-divorced Madge and freshly single A-Rod occurred on Oct. 21. A chopper carrying the Yankee slugger was seen landing in East Hampton, where he was picked up in a white Porsche 911 matching the description of Jessica [Seinfeld]’s car.
Less than 40 minutes later, another helicopter that took off from Chelsea Piers with Madonna aboard landed at the same airstrip. “A dark SUV and Jerry in another Porsche both pulled up and picked up Madonna and they headed back to Jerry’s place,” a witness told us. “When they arrived at the Seinfeld home, Madonna poked her head out the window and could be clearly seen.” [Page Six]
By the way, the photo of A-Rod above is from his brief minor league career, in 1993. That was the same year that Madonna did her “Girlie Show” tour, when she started to lose her fastball but made up for it with all the whips and S&M stuff. That was the last year that this unholy union could have been mildly sexy. And that’s only because Madonna was wearing a mask.
D’Antonio: “Oh no they DIH-N’T!”
During the Knicks’ season-opening victory at Madison Square Garden, a group of retarded Knicks fans chanted for coach Mike D’Antoni to put in Stephon Marbury, which is kind of like cheering for lymphoma in the chemo ward. D’Antoni, not being retarded, took issue with the fans.
With some in the Garden crowd surprisingly chanting “We Want Steph” with 11:10 remaining in the fourth (others booed the chant), a stewing D’Antoni was caught on MSG Network cameras Wednesday in a tirade, mouthing:
“You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. What a bunch of (bleep) holes.”
D’Antoni later issued something between a denial and an apology, but he shouldn’t have. You know how annoying and useless the Turtle character is on “Entourage”? Put 15,000 of that guy into the same building and you’ve got a Knicks home game.
There’s no shortage of photos and videos documenting the bedlam that followed the Phillies’ World Series victory, and while no single act of violence can top the sound of an airborne vodka bottle crashing off a man’s head, the crazy mob that looted this store definitely takes the cake for Best Performance in a Riot (Ensemble). From The Fightins:
The popular Broad St. luggage joint, Robinson’s, became the unlikely target of a pack of riotous hoodlums [Wednesday] night after the Phillies World Series victory. The delinquents converged on the baggage company’s store, kicked in the glass doors, and had free reign in the shop — tossing everything they could get their hands on out the door and into the awaiting arms those standing outside. Most of the stolen goods wound up either being destroyed or set on fire in the middle of Broad St.
That’s horrible… I only approve of wanton destruction of stolen goods if it’s the Levi’s store. C’mon everybody! DON’T YOU HATE PANTS!?!?!?
It’s been a while since we’ve checked in with our favorite Olympian, Argentine javelin thrower Leryn Franco. Some of the initial findings in August included photos from her calendar, but only now have extra shots from that photoshoot surfaced at pbase (via Hot Clicks). And by “only now” I mean “eight weeks ago.” Whatever. Do you wanna look at the sexy Latina athlete with the perfect ass or not?
After the jump, enjoy some truly astounding video of Leryn modeling a bikini and getting ice-cold water poured on her. And remember, she’s an Olymipc athlete, so please be respectful of the video, as it is most likely just some form of vigorous training we can’t understand. Sexy vigorous training.
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