09.05.08 POWER RANKINGS: CHEERLEADER RAKE

Power rankings are totally arbitrary, unless you’re one of those cockgobblers that really likes power rankings, in which case they’re even more arbitrary. I don’t know how that’s possible, but it is.

1. Ohio State. Ufford can suck it, provided the Buckeyes get past USC in 8 days.

2. The Return of the NFL. College football is great and all, but there’s more to life than your piss-quality Southern teams, everyone.

3. Meatloaf. Dropping a deuce in your own car? That’s a bonus.

4. Linda Hogan. The Hulkster’s wife is gonna run wild on his millions and make Michael Strahan’s divorce look friendly and amicable. Don’t ever get married, fellas. Especially if you are a world wrestling heavyweight champion with a reality show.

5. WAGs. I don’t have a clue what WAG stands for, but I like ‘em.

6. Brandon Jacobs, truckin’ fools in the Giants’ win over Washington last night.

7. Freedom. Marion Jones has it.

8. Las Vegas, Nevada. Yes, I did this post just so I could make that photoshop.

9. Drew Magary’s book. Don’t buy it. Wait for the movie to come out.

10. Steroids. Still awesome. That was pretty much my face in high school.