Dolphins running back Ricky Williams — who has failed four drug tests during his NFL career, resulting in one early retirement and more missed games than I can count — admitted to reporters that he thought about smoking pot during the Dolphins bye week.
“There was definitely an urge. But I just thought about what I have to lose and it was easy. The urge didn’t last very long.” Williams said he successfully combated the urge to smoke by meditating instead.
”I’ve done a lot of work at understanding myself a little bit more,” Williams said. “So I recognize [the urge] was just a result of the feeling of being free, and I was just trying to maximize it. And I realize that I really enjoy meditating and when I can go home and sit in my room and meditate, I can get the same feeling.”
Maybe he can get the same feeling from meditating, but he can’t try to pretend that burritos taste just as good or that Aqua Teen Hunger Force is just as funny.
For some mysterious reason, people are pleading for me to post this video of Emmitt Smith lip-syncing to Young Jeezy’s “Put On” during ESPN’s Monday Night Football coverage. I don’t really get the appeal. The video quality is ass, it’s poorly edited, and you can’t even really make out what’s going on. About the only thing that’s worthwhile is that by the end of the clip, Emmitt has stopped lip-syncing, but you can tell he’s still more interested in the song than he is in discussing football. And I would be too, if I sucked at talking as much he does.
Needing a win to keep their season alive, the White Sox came through with an 8-2 victory over the Tigers to force a one-game playoff with the Twins on the South Side tonight.
With the bases loaded and the game tied 2-2 in the sixth, rookie Alexei Ramirez drove the first pitch from Gary Glover into the left field bleachers, and that’s the only part of the game I feel I need to address. I’m just going to have to write another baseball recap tomorrow, so really, what’s the point? I swear, baseball recaps are like making your bed. You can do it for a week or so, then you start doing a shitty job, then by the end of the month you have to pick the sheets off the floor every time you go to sleep. I need a maid to write about baseball for me.
Anyway, winner of tonight’s game gets the feared Tampa Bay Non-Devil Rays in an ALDS showdown that will begin Thursday. Whoopty doo.
Andre Frazier was injured on the opening kickoff and had to leave the game. SO JEALOUS!!!
On paper, a 23-20 game ending in overtime doesn’t sound so bad. Then you look at the teams: Pittsburgh and Baltimore. Okay, okay — it could still be good. Then you notice there were fifteen punts during the game. And thirteen penalties. And SIX injury timeouts. And four hours of Tony Kornheiser learning to love Joe Flacco.
There’s no way around it: that game was horrible. An absolute abomination to watch.
In case you missed it — and there wasn’t much to miss — the Steelers prevailed despite finishing the game with only one running back (Mewelde Moore — hit the fantasy waiver wire now!) and playing most of the game like complete ass. For their part, the Ravens refused to run the two-minute drill at the end of regulation, preferring to take their chances in overtime at an opponent’s stadium.
Basically, if you stayed in and watched “Happy Days” re-runs and jerked off to scrambled porn, you had a better night than anyone who watched Monday Night Football.
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The exciting regular-season finale between the White Sox and Tigers that will determine the fate of the AL Central began this aftern– oh, never mind. It’s raining in Chicago. Millions of people are waiting for the playoffs to start, but we can’t do that until the weather gets nicer. The game’s been delayed something like three or four hours, but they won’t call the game because the goddam season needs to end.
Here, I’ll solve the problem: have the Sox and Tigers play a day game tomorrow. If the Sox lose, great. If not, have the Twins on hand to play the second half of a doubleheader. It’ll be like Diggstown, but way lamer and without James Woods. Oh, is that unfair to the White Sox? No one ever said baseball was fair, honey.
Also on tonight: Monday Night Football, starring the blood feud known as Ravens-Steelers. You can follow all the fun (Kornheiser-bashing and Pittsburgh-mocking) with me in the weekly live-blog/chat over at Kissing Suzy Kolber.
(Photo: Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images, 2006)
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