USAIN BOLT IS SOMEWHAT FAST
08.20.08
Usain Bolt has won gold in the 200 meters, setting a new world record of 19.30 seconds to become the first man to ever set records in the 100 and 200 in the same Olympiad. Ever. He also joins some guys named Carl Lewis and Jesse Owens in the ranks of people who have won both races at the same Games, and to top it all off his surname is freaking Bolt. Talk about nominative determinism. Just don't try to run for president, Usain. Jamaican Fox News would have a field day with that first name.
In other Olympic updates, the men's basketball team cruised past Australia 116-85 to reach the semifinals. A loss and a win, and we can get bronze again!
Photo: Getty Images
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Bolt will enjoy spending the rest of his days getting stoned, drinking Red Stripe, and stealing tourist's wallets. A real triple threat there.
Now let's be fair, Enrico– not all stoned Jamaican wallet thieves prefer Red Stripe.
You should meat my friend Johnny Wheelchairbound-Fatfuck. It really is true what they say, "Nomen est Dictum."
"Look! They DO exist! Quick get picture!"
Bolt shouldn't have even made it to the Olympics. Jamaica's best sprinter, Derice Bannock, tripped in the Olympic trials, and missed the cut.
My girlfriend from college last name wasn't cunt, but should have been.
All those Chinamen have never seen penis like that.
Wasn't this the plot in Cool Runnings?
He's not very good at limbo though…
The kid in the yellow shirt just above the chrome throw up pail just saw it's first black person.
STELLLLA!!!! STEEEELLLLAAAA!!!
The kid in the yellow shirt just above the chrome throw up pail just saw it's first black person.
is that why it looks like he's crying?
The whole "nominative determinism" thing would be funnier if he had fathered a whole bunch of illegitimate children.
Who is to say he hasn't? He is almost 22, after all.
I'd like to see that jackass try to hit a curveball.
Bolt shouldn't have even made it to the Olympics. Jamaica's best sprinter, Derice Bannock, tripped in the Olympic trials, and missed the cut.
So those 2 or 3 other Jamaicans in the races were also faster than Bolt?
And he celebrated by not going into a chinese bar.
I saw a similar scene at the San Diego Zoo last summer.
(I’m referring the the Asians with cameras…not making a black guy/monkey joke. I’m not racist. Except toward camera-toting Asians and Norwegians. Fucking fjord-fuckers.)