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MLB — The Twins were denied the opportunity to join Chicago atop the AL Central when the Mariners' Adrian Beltre drilled a walkoff homer in the 11th inning to give the M's a 4-2 victory.  Beltre was also the only Mariner with more than one hit, while Ichiro is the only player on the team batting .300.  My God, that team blows goats… Mike Pelfrey pitched his second consecutive complete game, a 9-1 win over the Astros that preserved New York's precarious half-game lead over the Phillies.  Has Chris Berman broken out "Bats in the Pelfrey" yet? … Brett Myers went seven strong innings as the Phillies completed their first four-game sweep of the Dodgers in over 20 years.  Mrs. Myers breathed a sigh of relief.

NFL — On Monday Night Football, the starters (minus LT2 and Hasselbeck) actually played for, like, more than a half as the Chargers beat the Seahawks 18-17 with a late two-point conversion.  Well well well, check out the preseason balls on Norv Turner… The Giants have officially contacted Michael Strahan about returning.  Pardon me while I dismiss this with a wanking motion.

Tennis — Hey look, the U.S. Open!  Maybe this will last long enough to get me to the NFL's season opener.  Oh, who am I kidding?  It's still just tennis.