08.05.08 TARPING ACROSS WRIGLEY IN A FLASH

elvis is we tod id

Meh, we decided to go bowling in the tornado last night when our power went out. 

Sidenote:  Never listen to the fat people in a bowling alley; they will try to force you into the basement to hide from false threats because they are trying to get you into their giant oven.

After his tarp slide, Elvis got to do the Jailhouse Rock.  (While being ass-raped)

Though I gotta say '70s Elvis probably wasn't that nimble on his feet. Not his fault, really. Just happens that peanut butter and banana sandwiches laced with barbiturates, though tasty, are a little high in fat. And death. Who knew?

This shit is fucking great Tunison, keep it up

I would love to leave this world in mid-gigantic dump.

Last night's weather was a sure sign it's the Cubs' year. It's also the year to tell your famiy you love them and make your peace with whichever god you worship.

What '70s Elvis lacked in agility, he made up for in wisdom.

For instance: Did you know that, with a handgun, any TV is a remote control TV? 

That third guy who never made it onto the field should be shot.  "Woo hoo, look at us, we're so crazy.  Oh wait, you guys are actually going through with it?  Ummmm… Maybe I'll just stand here and watch as you get led off in handcuffs."

$20 says that dude's name is something French, like Pierre or Luc or some such.

Look, if you're drunk (and let's face it, anybody at Wrigley in an Elvis costume must be drunk) and want to leave, just call a cab.  Although it may not seem so, it is in fact easier.