RAPE COMES TO DUKE – UPDATE
08.27.08
Everyone knows that rape and Duke University are two great tastes that go great together. So it should be no surprise that top soccer recruit Ashley Rape will be joining the Blue Devils this fall. The Slanch Report says:
On the field, Rape has been a member of the Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-18 National Teams and was a selection for Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” this past February.
Yes, but I think the question everyone wants to know is, Who's going to date Rape? Or send her a 40-pound box of rape? Or take her to the rape fields?
On a serious note, that really is an unfortunate name. Blame immigration officials at Ellis Island, who couldn't pronounce her ancestors' traditional surname, Sexualassault.
UPDATE: Well, no update at all, really. I just wanted this at the top of the page for a little bit to see what the commenters could add to the story.
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Please bump Shawn Johnson bikini post….oh and, I’d definetly get mah rape on.
so is it o.k. to date Rape?
Dibs on her ass
When Ashley goes to get a massage, she has a difficult time of just laying back and enjoying it.
She looks good, though she would look better squeezed into a 40 lb. cardboard box.
Incidentally, I was actually forced to try out half baked domestic violence jokes at work during the hiatus. They were awkwardly received.
Dostoevsky refers to her family as the Gang Rape.
+1 to ihope…
That is truly a splendid mix of highbrow and lowbrow.
Actually it’s, French, pronounced “Ray-Pay.” Which coincidentally also means rape in French.
It’s nice to see Rape commit to Duke. Mike Nifong should’ve waited until she became a student because this time he actually could have DNA that confirms that this is rape.
@Bob: I’m expecting Nifong to actually attempt to assault this poor girl at some point just to prove that rapes ARE committed at Duke after all.
She doesn’t look like she would gum it so pass on rape.
Is it rape if you are deaf and can’t read lips…..or body language. On another note, Fuck DOOK. I hope she breaks both her legs. Yes I went to Carolina.
Ashley Rape has the most unfortunate name in the history of nomenclature!
If you’re into brevity, you can call her Ash Rape
“Future all-american rape plays well for the Dukeies”
Often times it is not uncommon to hear loud grunts and screams of aggression when rape is involved in competition
well that’s unforunate, poor girl. I sure would like to get to know her and make her my wife. She could put that filthy name behind her and become Mrs. Ashley Derdowntothedungeon.
Duke wanted nothing to do with Ashley Consensual.
ashley’s uncle stan always brings his little girls over when there is a rape birthday party
She has friends whose last names are Ball and Goode.
My imaginary IMDB search reveals that Ashley’s grandfather played a small yet pivotal role in Blazing Saddles.
Duke’s soccer team totally deserves this… did you see the way they were dressed?
i guess this will redefine the phrase “fuck UNC”
The shame is that their other recruit, Brittany Pillage, decided to go to Georgia Tech.
There is no such thing as Rape, only “surprise sex.” Her name is Ashley Surprise Sex.
where do i get a replica jersey?
Is there a support group out there for people like her and Rusty Kuntz?
“On the field, Rape has been a member of the Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-18 National Teams” All this on the field Rape and this is the first we hear about it? But one UA lineman gets a little handsy at a pool party and everyone raises a ruckus.
i hear that Ashley can be stuck-up and prudish; but she has a younger sister and underage Rape is always more fun
Future New York Post Women’s Soccer Roundup headline:
Duke Scores: Opponent falls victim to Rape assault
I know I certainly wouldn’t want the title of most assists to Rape.
Okay, you got me. I would.