College football mercifully begins tonight, ending that painful two-week period after the Olympics ended where baseball was the only show in town.  And while many of you will be tuned in to regional showdowns like NC State-South Carolina (meh), Wake Forest-Baylor (*makes farting sound*), and Oregon State-Stanford (“Pac-10 football: It’s almost like the SEC, but without all the people caring!”) tonight, I thought I’d take a moment to salute the typically insane fandom we’re going to see for the next three months, before it goes away for a month, then returns for about a week and a half.

Anyway, both of the images you see here come via the must-read Every Day Should Be Saturday, which notes Bo Schembechler’s postmortem endorsements and Bear Bryant’s legacy via gigantic houndstooth fedoras that designate the new stadium concessions stand.  Stand by for updates; I’m still waiting to hear back from Notre Dame to see if they liked my mural of Knute Rockne making out with Touchdown Jesus.

Pacman Jones, who I’m supposed to be calling “Adam” these days, was reinstated to play in the NFL by Der Kommissar Goodell today, and he awesomely received the news while at a local Hooters.  From the DMN’s Cowboys Blog:

Jones was at Hooters eating a chicken sandwich when he got off the phone with league and team officials regarding his suspension…

Here’s what Jones had to say about getting reinstated: “It feels good man, you know, to get a second chance and I just have to take advantage of it… I need to keep doing what I’ve been doing to get reinstated staying with myself and my teammates and staying away form those knuckleheads and just stay focused.”

Eating at Hooters is proof that Pacman is on the road to recovery.  Hooters is the methadone to the heroin that is strip clubs.  The addict is left with a boring substitute that in no way matches the high of paying a silicone-breasted stranger who smells like bubble gum and cigarettes to rub her ass on your groin.  The upside is that fewer people bring guns to Hooters.  Well, actually, that might not apply in Texas.

[PFT]

College football is back, and you know what that means: stories about Ohio State fans who live and die by the Buckeyes because, let’s face it, there’s not much else worth living for in Ohio.

Pictured at left is one such faithful fan who’s sporting the Jim Tressel-inspired sweater vest t-shirt.  I’ll let Jupmode explain:

[In2006], we realized how fortunate we are to have Coach Tressel lead our team onto the field every Saturday and respresent [sic] our beloved University. He is a class act, revered throughout the nation not just for his wins and losses, but for the way he represents the Ohio State University.

[Tressel] has become famous for wearing a sweater vest and tie on the sidelines – unlike any other coach in the nation… The OSU Sweater Vest T-Shirt is just a simple idea that we feel can help unify students, alumni, parents, kids, and fans from all over in support of our great coach and University.

It’s also great for any weddings you attend in Ohio, where the tuxedo t-shirt is just a little too dressy.

[Lion in Oil]

Apparently hastily translated news items on the Internet are true, because everyone’s favorite Olympian/model, Leryn Franco, is in New York to support new boyfriend Novak Djokovic at the U.S. Open.

While Franco didn’t win any medals at the Olympics, she was a runner-up in the 2006 Miss Paraguay pageant and the Miss Bikini Universe contest. And she was sitting in the stands at Ashe Stadium yesterday cheering as Djokovic beat France’s Arnaud Clement in straight sets.

I don’t know.  I don’t think this proves anything.  It could just be a coincidence.  Maybe she was just passing through New York on her way back to Paraguay from China and felt like some tennis.  It’s damn near impossible to get a direct flight from Beijing to Asuncion, you know.  … I SAID IT PROVES NOTHING!!! To hell with ALL of you!  *runs away sobbing*

The UFC Fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver has formally changed his name to “War Machine.” He was apparently happy with it as only a nickname until a trademark claim by TNA Wrestling made him take decisive action. He wrote on his blog (via CagePotato):

Turns out some gay ass wrestling federation threatened to sue [UFC] because they recently named one of their wrestlers The War Machine Rhino and trademarked the name.

Too fuckin’ bad that I have been using this name for 6 years, have it tatted on my body and it is what my fans yell out when I’m fighting.

If you know my personality then you know damn well I am not gonna let some faggot ass, FAKE wrestler steal MY name… SO 6 weeks ago I filed a change of name request and today I had court to make my name officially WAR MACHINE.

Not to get all technical, but wouldn’t Marvel Comics have the trademark [EDIT: copyright, whatever] on War Machine?  Uhhhh, not that I would ever read comics, ha ha.  Those are for gay nerdy losers.  GRRRR ARMPIT TATTOOS!!!

Yesterday we learned of a single douchey Red Sox fan taking on Yankee Stadium’s Stalinistic practice of using police to enforce demonstrations of patriotism.  Today we get this lovely video from Walkoff Walk, in which a female Red Sox fan gets ejected by the NYPD, something her charming friend objects to. Basically, it’s some kind of impossible test to determine who are the most despicable people in the stadium.

And it’s not exactly a tribute to the abilities of New York’s Finest.  There’s an overweight woman yelling in the lady cop’s face, and she can’t even put her in an arm-bar and take her down?  Hell, that cop could have walked up a couple stairs and the fattie would have never caught her.  Or here’s an idea: pull out your pistol and shoot her.  Even if it gets caught on tape, she’s still a Red Sox fan.  No jury in New York’s going to convict you.