Here’s the new Old Spice ad where Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher confronts his nerdy youth.  Copyranter has the print ad, and he says:

While I’m neither a fan of Urlacher or the Bears or even NFL football, this (somewhat ironic) anti-weakling message will definitely play well with the mooky tough and faux-tough guys who read ESPN magazine.

Hey, who you calling mooky tough and faux-tough, buster?  I’ll kick your little nerd-bloggin’ ass! **cracks knuckles, puts ten-pound weights on bench press**

As announced everywhere yesterday, Michael Phelps will be cashing in on his Olympic glory with a gig as the host of this season’s premiere of Saturday Night Live, with additional appearances at the MTV Video Music Awards and on Entourage (guh).  In other words, I’m not going to see Phelps on TV any time soon.

There’s not much else to say here, except that I’m amazed SNL hasn’t been destroyed by DVR and the Internet yet.  That show is 90 minutes of TV on Saturday night that takes 12 minutes to watch on Sunday afternoon.  You can fast-forward through the 45 minutes or so of commercials, and all you really need to see is the monologue, the first 30 seconds of every sketch to see how unfunny it’s going to be, and Weekend Update.

Or you can save even more time and just watch the two culturally relevant skits they do each season on the Internet when you get to work on Monday morning. God knows I’m not giving up my Saturday night for Michael Phelps.  Not unless he brings me flowers and pays for dinner.

This gang of uber geniuses was shocked - shocked! - to discover that fire erupts from a Molotov cocktail when you hit it with a baseball bat. It begs the question of what exactly they thought would happen.

“C’mon guys, watch me smash this thing. Who knows what will come out. Maybe unicorns, a genie who will grant us dirtbikes, Playboy bunnies, Brooks Robinson. Who knows? That’s the wonder of discovery!”

Yesterday in spite-related name-change news, we learned about the man who became War Machine.  Today, the word on the street is that lithium-needing Bengals receiver Chad Johnson has officially changed his last name to Ocho Cinco.

According to Miami radio station 790 The Ticket, which is in Johnson’s hometown, the receiver has legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Johnson’s — sorry — Ocho Cinco’s reported name change has been rumored in NFL circles for weeks, and according to the station today, it’s official.

Johnson forewarned the public that a major surprise was coming during a recent interview with Chris McKendry on ESPN’s SportsCenter.

Some folks are already calling him an idiot, but I have to say, I think this is terrific.  We should all get to choose whatever name we want.  Pleasure to meet you, I’m Rock.  Rock Thunderballs.

U.S. Open - Sexy, sexy top-seeded Ana Ivanovic was ousted in the first round of the U.S. Open by some unattractive nobody, depriving us of several opportunities to post alluring photos of her while feigning an interest in tennis. So we make hay while the sun shines.

College Football - The Ol’ Ball Coach and the Gamecocks got a few late scores after quarterback Tommy Beecher threw four picks and got yanked in favor of Chris Smelley, who capped a 34-0 stomping of N.C. State… No. 23 Wake Forest got its first win ever in the state of Texas and in blowout fashion led by Riley Skinner’s 22-of-30 passing for 220 yards and two scores…The U opened its new digs with a 52-7 reaming of Charleston Southern, the only mishap being the giant inflatable helmet the team runs through not being pumped up. Hey, it was either that or lose the sex dolls.

MLB - Jason Giambi served as the best mustachioed Italian hero since the last Mario game with three RBIs, including a walkoff single to stave off a Red Sox sweep in the Bronx… Aramis Ramirez lifts the Cubs over the Phillies with an 8th inning grand slam as Philly’s bullpen blows another…K-Rod pulls within six of Bobby Thigpen’s save record and the Angels knock their magic number to 13. Lot of suspense in that division.

St. Andrew’s Net is With Leather’s daily link dump. After that speech last night, I think I’m all hoped out for a while.

Send tips and submissions for Saint Andrew’s Net to withleather@gmail.com.