What to watch for in this weekend’s biggest matchups.  One side or another in ALL CAPS.

SUMMER over Autumn — Former Playboy model Summer Altice over Autumn Reeser, that is.  Ho ho!  See what I did there?

Labor Day over MEMORIAL DAY — Don’t mourn the end of summer; celebrate the beginning of football season.

CUBS over Phillies — Could be a critical weekend for the Phils.  Meanwhile, the Mets are coming off an off day to relax in Florida against the Marlins.  New York is going to have to work extra hard to blow the NL East title this year.

#20 Illinois over #6 Missouri — Last year I actually picked Appalachian State over Michigan (hey, even if I’m joking, it still counts), and since I don’t like App State against LSU, this is my choice for the opening weekend upset.  Somehow I get the feeling lightning won’t strike twice.

Lazing Around on the Beach over WORKING — See below.

That’s all for another grinding late-summer week.  I’m happy to report that the site will be dark on Monday,  but if you stop by there might be a little reward for you.

I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.

1. Barbarella.  No, I’m not a fan of Jane Fonda, even if Craig Sager’s telling the story.  But I can still enjoy the character at an artistic level, you know?  It’s not every movie where the heroine battles a pleasure machine.

2. Ashley Rape.  Congrats on your enrollment at Duke.  Find the right fella to marry there, and he might take YOUR name.

3. Tennis WAGs.  Brooklen Decker and Leryn Franco are in attendance?  Time to get U.S. Open tickets.

4. New names.  Personally, I’d rather be War Machine than Ocho Cinco.  See KSK’s name draft for more ideas.

5. New York Mets.  Not every team can put together a successful hot streak ovulation and stay in first place.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fans of the U.S. Soccer will recognize fullback Oguchi Onyewu, aka Gooch.  Gooch presently plays in Belgium and may soon make the leap to the EPL.  Not that you care, of course.

A more likely reason for you to care: the woman in these pictures, whom Kickette claims is Onyewu’s wife, Salome.  Her apparent order of preference for clothing: soccer jersey, bra, hands, then (in last place) any other kind of shirt.

According to Wikipedia’s entry on Salome, “Christian traditions depict her as an icon of dangerous female seductiveness.”  And for once I gotta say, way to go Jesus & Co.  Those are way better Christian traditions than burning books and opposing Darwinism.

Any Formula One fans here?  No?  Well, me neither.  But this woman is Elisabetta Gregoraci, an Italian model and TV hostess who’s married to super-sexy F1 manager Flavio Briatore.  A Google Image search for her?  Strongly recommended.

Ordinarily when I put together a post like this with sexy pictures I prefer that there’s some kind of newsworthy story to go with it.  In this case, the news is Elisabetta went to the beach.  Ta-da!

[less clothes]

A poll conducted by the uber-scientific website AreYouRomantic.com found that fans whose football teams win enjoy better sex, while losses translate to less satisfactory sex.  Some of the other findings:

The survey says 1-in-4 male sports fans would be willing to give up sex for at least a month if their favorite team were guaranteed a Super Bowl win. [Pfft, obviously not REAL fans - Ed.] …

Many fans believe it’s difficult to be romantic during the football season. One [woman] said: “I could be on fire in the room right next to him and he wouldn’t notice.”

Sheesh.  That’d be just like my girlfriend to light herself on fire for a little attention.  Goddammit, woman!  I TOLD YOU, I’m watching the game!

Pictured above is what’s left of Arizona State’s indoor practice facility after a flash storm with 75-mph winds tore through the Phoenix area last night.  By all reports, pieces of the newly opened, $8.4 million bubble dome were thrown across campus.

Russell Schilt, a 22-year-old ASU student, said he walked about the school’s practice facility to see the bubble roof in shreds from the storm. Schilt said he was surprised at the damage the new building took.

“The bubble dome had complete deflated,” he said.

No one was hurt, [AD] Brand said. The 103,500-square-foot facility was just completed this month…. It [was] a bubble of fabric supported by air pressure, the ASU official said.

Man what an asshole storm.  Who knew that a desert could have such harsh, unforgiving weather?

[Wired Devils/Cactus Ranch]