So where do I stick my penis?

A study revealed that this 2,100-year-old astronomy calculator, long thought to be merely a 2,100-year-old astronomy calculator, actually has ties to the ancient Olympic Games, according to newly discovered inscriptions on the device.

Scientists have long studied the Antikythera Mechanism as a complex gearwheel system that displays the date, positions of the sun and moon, lunar phases, a 19-year calendar, and a 223-month eclipse prediction dial. But the latest findings suggest the mechanism had applications beyond mathematical astronomy…

"The first clues that suggested a link with the ancient cycle of Greek games came when the word 'NEMEA' was read near a small subsidiary dial on the Mechanism," said Tony Freeth [note: image credited to Freeth], a scientist with Images First Ltd. in the U.K. and coauthor on the Nature study. That name stood for the Nemean Games, one of the crown games in the Olympiad cycle. Other names that eventually resurfaced included 'ISTHMIA" for the games at Corinth, 'PYTHIA' for the games at Delphi, and finally 'OLYMPIA' for the Olympic Games…

*Yawwwwnnn — oh, I mean thrilling!  I can't wait to see this historical breakthrough bastardized beyond recognition in the next National Treasure movie.

I wish I could compete in the ancient Olympics.  I'm no physical specimen, but people back then were like four-foot-six and survived off of goat meat and bread made with rocks.  I'd totally kick ass and get all the women I wanted.  Although I guess the women didn't shave back then, did they?  Sigh… Fine, I'd settle for some young boys.  Hey, when in Rome…