Straight up his ass? Your ass?

NL – The pivotal four-game NL Central showdown in Miller Park has been thus far been a one-sided affair, with the Cubs taking the first three from the Brewers. Last night it was Ryan Dempster striking out nine and allowing one run in seven innings.  Up until a solo homer by Prince Fielder in the 9th, it was pitcher Manny Parra who was responsible for most of the Brewers offense, doubling and tripling in two at-bats. Probably not a great sign…With the Brewers momentarily lagging, the Cardinals leapfrogged them into second place with their third straight win over the Braves. Chris Carpenter looked promising in his first start since Opening Day of last year, allowing one runin four innings…Chase Utley snapped out of his homer drought Tuesday and added another last night as the Phillies climbed into first place in the East while handing the Nats their eighth straight loss…The latest Manny Ramirez suitors, the Marlins, knocked the Mets from their first place perch thanks to Josh Johnson's first win in nearly two years and Dan Uggla's 26th homer… And Aaron Cook has 14 wins. Yeah. Really. I'm scared too.

AL – Somehow the Yankees swindled the Tigers into not only taking Kyle Farnsworth but also giving up something of value, namely Pudge Rodriguez, in exchange for him. Positively staggering. Also the Bombers avoided an embarrassing homefield sweep by the Orioles by putting up 13 runs highlighted by two Bobby Abreu homers… The newly fearsome Angels (even though they were already had the league's best record) completed a sweep of the Red Sox in Fenway despite their new gun Mark Teixeira going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts…The Rays build their lead to three games with a 3-2 win in Toronto…Carlos Quentin allows to White Sox to keep their Central lead over the Twins, springing Chicago to a 8-3 win with three hits, a homer and 4 RBIs. He has 21 RBIs over his last 17 games…A 14-12 game and the Rangers aren't involved? The Tigers bounce back from a 8-1 deficit to the Indians and ended up winning in 13 innings. Kelly Shoppach had five extra-base hits, equaling a Major League record, in a losing effort.

NFL – The Packers reportedly offer Brett Favre $20 million over 10 years to stay retired. That covers a lot of bingo buy-ins, Brett. In news related to other overrated white NFL media darlins, John Lynch is leaving the Broncos and contemplating where to go next. My guess: John McCain rally.  

Update: Ken Griffey Jr. got traded to the White Sox. So, welcome back to the Junior Circuit…Junior. The 10 games you play before getting hurt should be thrilling.