Premier League owners, it seems, are a lot like Hollywood executives in that they'll copy any inane or specious tactic from another club that they think might lead to success. I wonder if they'll buy my rock that keeps tigers away. Sure, it's just a stupid rock, but I don't see any tigers around here, do you?

Manchester City are hoping the positive energy of feng shui will help them in their pursuit of silverware this season.

Garry Cook, City's executive chairman, decided to explore the possibility after speaking with two of the club's Thai executives.

He has now had crystals placed under the pitch at Eastlands and symbols placed in strategic spots around the stadium, in the hope that the Far Eastern tradition will have the same success that it did for Tottenham Hotspur, the Carling Cup champions, who experimented with the idea last season.

"It is like a Catholic putting a Crucifix on a wall," a City source said. "It is common practice for Christian pastors to bless the club and Garry felt this was something worth trying."

Ruh-roh. Equating religion with an ancient Chinese spiritual practice? That's good for one smoting. I don't wish to malign feng shui, though. We've found that stacking dead hooker bodies in the east side of the room really does wonders for bolstering both our chi and bloodlust.