NL – The pivotal four-game NL Central showdown in Miller Park has been thus far been a one-sided affair, with the Cubs taking the first three from the Brewers. Last night it was Ryan Dempster striking out nine and allowing one run in seven innings.  Up until a solo homer by Prince Fielder in the 9th, it was pitcher Manny Parra who was responsible for most of the Brewers offense, doubling and tripling in two at-bats. Probably not a great sign…With the Brewers momentarily lagging, the Cardinals leapfrogged them into second place with their third straight win over the Braves. Chris Carpenter looked promising in his first start since Opening Day of last year, allowing one runin four innings…Chase Utley snapped out of his homer drought Tuesday and added another last night as the Phillies climbed into first place in the East while handing the Nats their eighth straight loss…The latest Manny Ramirez suitors, the Marlins, knocked the Mets from their first place perch thanks to Josh Johnson's first win in nearly two years and Dan Uggla's 26th homer… And Aaron Cook has 14 wins. Yeah. Really. I'm scared too.

AL – Somehow the Yankees swindled the Tigers into not only taking Kyle Farnsworth but also giving up something of value, namely Pudge Rodriguez, in exchange for him. Positively staggering. Also the Bombers avoided an embarrassing homefield sweep by the Orioles by putting up 13 runs highlighted by two Bobby Abreu homers… The newly fearsome Angels (even though they were already had the league's best record) completed a sweep of the Red Sox in Fenway despite their new gun Mark Teixeira going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts…The Rays build their lead to three games with a 3-2 win in Toronto…Carlos Quentin allows to White Sox to keep their Central lead over the Twins, springing Chicago to a 8-3 win with three hits, a homer and 4 RBIs. He has 21 RBIs over his last 17 games…A 14-12 game and the Rangers aren't involved? The Tigers bounce back from a 8-1 deficit to the Indians and ended up winning in 13 innings. Kelly Shoppach had five extra-base hits, equaling a Major League record, in a losing effort.

NFL – The Packers reportedly offer Brett Favre $20 million over 10 years to stay retired. That covers a lot of bingo buy-ins, Brett. In news related to other overrated white NFL media darlins, John Lynch is leaving the Broncos and contemplating where to go next. My guess: John McCain rally.  

Update: Ken Griffey Jr. got traded to the White Sox. So, welcome back to the Junior Circuit…Junior. The 10 games you play before getting hurt should be thrilling.

St. Andrew's Net is With Leather's daily link dump. Those selected are painstakingly culled from thousands of terrible posts to a manageable five mediocre ones.

• The Sports Hernia fills in the blanks of the latest Aaron Rodgers comment on the filing of Brett Favre's reinstatement papers. Yeah, that's probably how I'd react too, if only the text came in a letter bomb.
• Awful Announcing stumbles upon a signed a signed Joe Buck business card on sale on eBay. Truly a disgusting act, but not half as disgusting as what I'd do to Carolina Ardohain.
• Athlists (via Deadspin) offers up video of quite possibly the 20 most painful, least athletic dunk attempts ever. The outtake of my appearance in a Dunkaroos commercial is somehow absent.
• Shutdown Corner looks at the four NFL players most likely to survive a shark attack. It just so happens they're also the four most deserving of one. The universe is a cruel mistress.
• Lion in Oil finds the fan of a soccer team suing the club because its losses cause him mental anguish. That sound you hear is lawyers in Cleveland clearing their schedules.

Send tips and submissions for Saint Andrew's Net to withleather@gmail.com.

A study revealed that this 2,100-year-old astronomy calculator, long thought to be merely a 2,100-year-old astronomy calculator, actually has ties to the ancient Olympic Games, according to newly discovered inscriptions on the device.

Scientists have long studied the Antikythera Mechanism as a complex gearwheel system that displays the date, positions of the sun and moon, lunar phases, a 19-year calendar, and a 223-month eclipse prediction dial. But the latest findings suggest the mechanism had applications beyond mathematical astronomy…

"The first clues that suggested a link with the ancient cycle of Greek games came when the word 'NEMEA' was read near a small subsidiary dial on the Mechanism," said Tony Freeth [note: image credited to Freeth], a scientist with Images First Ltd. in the U.K. and coauthor on the Nature study. That name stood for the Nemean Games, one of the crown games in the Olympiad cycle. Other names that eventually resurfaced included 'ISTHMIA" for the games at Corinth, 'PYTHIA' for the games at Delphi, and finally 'OLYMPIA' for the Olympic Games…

*Yawwwwnnn — oh, I mean thrilling!  I can't wait to see this historical breakthrough bastardized beyond recognition in the next National Treasure movie.

I wish I could compete in the ancient Olympics.  I'm no physical specimen, but people back then were like four-foot-six and survived off of goat meat and bread made with rocks.  I'd totally kick ass and get all the women I wanted.  Although I guess the women didn't shave back then, did they?  Sigh… Fine, I'd settle for some young boys.  Hey, when in Rome…

A few days ago, about eight different blogs wrote about a Cowboys training camp play in which Terrell Owens fooled Adam "no longer Pacman" Jones with a nasty double move.  At the time, I was like, "Really?  People are devoting entire blog posts individual plays happening at training camp?  That's fucking sad."

Now here it is, a couple days later, and video of said play has surfaced.  And I take back what I said, because my God it is beautiful.  Not really the play itself, just the feeling in my head: Actual professional athletes playing football!  Kind of! 

Frankly, I've had enough of this NFL offseason bullshit.  It's the 21st century now, we need all living NFL players cloned so that the NFL2 season can begin a month after the Super Bowl and last until August.  Raise your hand if you want a second NFL season every year.  That's what I thought.  Get on it, scientists.

UPDATE: Better video thanks to commenter pavement

Thanks to a shift that placed Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts well out of the infield, Jason Giambi grounded out to right field last night.  In his next at-bat, Giambi somehow dropped a hit between Roberts and the right fielder, then made a gesture to let Roberts know that he's #1.

Not bad, Jason.  The judges also would have accepted "I GOT YOUR SHIFT RIGHT HERE!" provided you had grabbed your crotch in a matching rhythm with the final two syllables.  That's my preferred gesture.  Everyone agrees: I'm really good at grabbing my crotch.

[Video: Mr. Irrelevant; Still image: Sportscrack] 

You know, the NFL isn't the only league that has fans excited for the coming season.  The Premiership kicks off its season in about two weeks, and as you can see from the photos here, Liverpool is ready for all catchers.  I mean takers.  Ready for all takers.

Robbie Keane enthusiastically participated in, uhh… training drills? … with Fernando Torres and the rest of his new teammates, and it's definitely good to see a new player looking so light in the boots while he forges bonds with new teammates.

I hope that wasn't too subtle.  I'm calling them gay, you see. 

[Kickette]