A Ball Don't Lie reader went to the trouble of running the names of the players on the U.S. men's basketball team through The Hilton Hotel's Chinese name converter feature and the results are, well, somewhat amusing. 

'Melo becomes "mansion glorious,"  Bron-Bron becomes a wide willow tree and Kobe is still known for banging. 

Of course, knowing the Chinese, there's probably some insidious double meaning that translates to "not welcome in my restaurant" and "don't marry my daughter" for each of them. Not that they didn't cast the daughters down a deep chasm, but had they not, they wanted some sort of linguistic backup in place to drive the point home.

Two weeks after USC coach Pete Carroll was surrounded by excited, shirtless young men, USC linebacker Rey Maualuga went through a Trojans practice wearing this thong.  At least, I'm assuming it was a Trojans practice.  I guess it could have been something less gay and sweaty, like rehearsal for Cats, or moving antique furniture to sponge-paint the foyer in a cooler shade of lavender, or anonymous truck stop sex with another man.

[More pics at Banned in Hollywood] 

Penalty kicks are perilous enough when you're not playing in the Land of the Giants. This particular soccer ball may be too large to target your nuts but it can knock you clear across the field with enough velocity to make said testicles retreat within your taint. Of course, he could just be trying out for the Italian team. If you can force the ball itself to get red carded, I would imagine it would make defense all the more easier and make soccer just about as exciting.

Tom Casale is a former writer for Patriots Football Weekly who recently left in order to blog for Pregame.com, a gambling website.  Posting as "Tommy Rider," he spilled his guts on the Pats organization.  Please note: guts may include a lot of shit.

–Tedy Bruschi is much more popular with the fans than he is with his teammates. He isn't the team leader people think he is. Actually, Bruschi rarely talks to any of his teammates… Bruschi is just an unlikable person in general and I think his teammates know what's what and get sick of his act. He created an image that he presents to the public but his teammates know better…

–Corey Dillon is about the most miserable piece of shit you would ever want to encounter.

To be fair, Casale also praises the organization and several players, but nothing comes close to this doozy: the notion of a Bill Belichick sex tape.

I heard from someone who is close to the case that there is a sex tape of Bill Belichick banging the married woman he had an affair with. I shit you not. The husband who is suing that woman for being unfaithful to him has a tape of his wife and Belichick screwing while the two of them were still married.

RAWR!  Hell yes Bill Belichick has tape of himself having sex.  How else is he supposed to study his tendencies and eliminate weaknesses?  He just has to be the best fucking coach ever. 

Note: I strongly recommend reading the comments on Casale's post.  Judging by most people's reactions, he's one of the more vile, underhanded people to ever walk the earth.

This video popped up in a few places late yesterday, but it was on a media player the size of a postage stamp.  Now you can actually see NBA point guards Steve Nash and Baron Davis in a trailer that's a spoof of Step Brothers that doesn't really spoof Step Brothers at all.  It's just Baron and Nash wearing ugly clothes and doing silly things — which is entertaining and rare enough in its own right. I mean, do you think LeBron Jame would wear a Cosby sweater and ride a tandem bike? 

Well, yes.  He would.  But only if it was while shooting Nike commercial that he was getting a million dollars for.  I think the trailer here is slightly less corporate.

Taking a page from the book of misdeeds of Cleveland Browns fans, someone attending Tuesday's Twins-White Sox game in the Metrodome swiped 17-year-old Sam Dougherty's wheelchair. Because all the good grocery carts had already been taken from the closest supermarket and folks need something with wheels to push their bindles around in.

Last night, Sam went to the Metrodome with his family. They left his wheelchair on the concourse and walked down to their seats to watch the game.

The Doughertys know it wasn't necessarily the best place to leave a wheelchair, but they've done it before and haven't had any problems.

"We're trusting. We leave the chair there and trust that people are going to respect that," says Rick Dougherty, Sam's father.

But out in the open like that, Sam's wheelchair became an easy target.

"We'd never even think somebody would come and take a wheelchair," says Rick.

After the game and at the top of the staircase, the wheelchair specifically designed for Sam was indeed gone.

It had not been moved by Twins or Metrodome staff, but had instead been swiped by a thief.

Hmm. Looks like someone didn't invest in a wheelchair lock. It's really not a very large outlay, handicapped people. But, nooo, you always think us "normies" aren't capable of doing things like stealing, so you arrogantly leave you possessions lying around unguarded thinking people of fully functioning legs couldn't possibly take your stuff. Well, we're capable people too - maybe not handicapable! - and we're tired of you strutting around like you own the plac. Thank you, Twins fans, for striking a blow for normie rights!