This video was released a couple days ago, but I'm still wondering how former Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton completely avoided jail time for his May 2007 attack of teammate Ousmane Dabo.  Yes, teammate.  You can really feel the camaraderie there.  And by camaraderie I mean fists.  The draconian judge deciding the case came down hard on Barton, suspending his four-month prison sentence and suggesting that he should, uh, please be nice.

Judge Mushtaq Khokhar told him: “As a professional footballer you are someone who is talented and greatly idolised … being an idol brings with it responsibilities which you have to carry with you all the time. You want to be setting an example, particularly to those who idolise you, particularly youngsters who look up to you.”

Barton has since been picked up by Newcastle, a club that was reportedly  just bought by — cue dramatic chipmunk — the bin Laden family!!  Coincidence, or overarching terrorist plot to take over soccer?  Well, the judge does have a name that doesn't look WASP-y, which in America means that you're a Muslim terrorist.  At least that's what FOX News tells me.  It's why I'm wary of anyone who does a terrorist fist jab.  I'm looking at YOU, every black athlete on the planet.

[Soccernista]