Welp, that's all for the Seattle Sonics. The city of Seattle caved and settled with Clay Bennett's ownership group to the tune of $75 million, so the team will play its games in Oklahoma City next season. While the city keeps the rights to the "Sonics" name, there are no real prospects or promises to bring an NBA team back to the Emerald City.
I grew up a huge fan of Xavier McDaniel, and I died a little when the Bulls beat the Payton-Kemp Sonics in '96, so I'll try to keep this brief while hitting all the wickets:
Fuck that lying piece of shit Clay Bennett. Fuck David Stern, that collusive cocksucker. Fuck Howard Schultz for selling the team to Bennett, and fuck Starbucks, too. Fuck Seattle's limp-dick government. Fuck Hurricane Katrina. And fuck Oklahoma fans who get indignant and say that they're more deserving of an NBA team than Seattle, the victim of uncaring ownership and a city whose only crime was not shelling out more tax dollars so a carpetbagging son of a bitch could make more fistfuls money.
Get fucked, NBA.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/lebron-james-funny-or-die-flopping-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Dean-Cain-is-Pete-Davenport-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/with-leather13-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/dwight-howard-is-still-pursuing-his-acting-career-just-watch-how-amazing-he-is-with-leather-180x180.jpg)
Bennett's not necessarily in the Saints owner's league, but yeah — he and everyone who made this happen should be dining on roast cock by the bagful in a flaming eternity of high tax brackets. Condolences to Seattle, and all da Norfwess homies. Peace out.
if it makes you feel any better the Seattle Grizzlies isn't a horrible name, and quite possibly could become a reality in less than five years.
Unless Stern put them in Italy or something to start off this euro-NBA bullshit
The greatest sign I have ever seen at a sporting event was,
96' NBA finals "Legalize Kemp" held up by some fossil in a Sonics jesey
/We laughed way to hard at that
Look on the bright side Matt, the Seattle Storm of the WNBA are staying put.
Let's go OKC!!
Insult to injury: Clay Bennett is taking a duplicate of the only championship the city of Seattle has ever won with him to Oklahoma City, because that's part of the history he "purchased".
Fuck you, Clay.
Well, at least it's always sunny and cheery in Seattle.
Damn you UU! That was my joke!
Aaaaaawkward.
I agree. I am a Celtics fan so you would think I would be happy with the state of the NBA at the moment…we did just have an awesome Lakers-Celtics final after all. But no, I have to say the NBA sucks. They are more concerned with corporate luxury boxes and billionaire owners then putting a great product on the court. And speaking of on the court…the basketball is average at best. The referree-ing is awful…I never saw the same foul called the same twice in a row. Seattle got fcked because the NBA is more interested in bringing billionaires into the fold and the fact that the Seattle didn't want to pay the Sonics to stay…it's total BS and i feel for the city. Ok, getting off my soap box now.
You'll always have the memories of Shawn Kemp impregnating scores of women with a wreckless disregard for condoms not seen since Magic Johnson's tootsie roll bottomed out on half of the Los Angeles female population.
<sigh>
Sam Perkins via Albany (sort of!)
/obligatory upstate reference
That was a well organized rant. Impressively constructed for maximum effectiveness and edge.
Anyways, at least you can take light in the fact that Starbucks is totally fucked right now UFF.
[money.cnn.com];
Good luck getting prime talent to play in fucking Oklahoma City. Pathetic media market, no local endorsement opportunities, and about as much culture as a petrii dish.
Steve, don't come yet.
I am guessing the name Oklahoma City Bombers is completely out of the question?
Probably, Fullback. I'm hoping they go with something so the initials are OCD.
Whatever it is, you can be sure it'll be boring. This is the state that actually had the phrase "Oklahoma is OK!" written on its goddamn license plates. Way to reach for the stars, prairie putzes.
Go Sonics!
….to Oklahoma City.
@BlackCapricorn, Shaker H.S. saw him play there.
Amen, Uff.
/dick joke
I'm thinking it'll be something in the non-quantifiable set, like Magic, Heat, Jazz, or Celtics. What? Oh, like you can quantify the amount of hate for the Celtics (fans)?
So Bennett has to pay 75 million to leave, but who gets that money? Does it go to the city so it can be pissed away? Season ticket holders who put up with that shit? Fart joke?
Enrico Pallazo –
Forget that $75M number. It's $45M, which will increase an additional $30M if the WA legislature approves funding for a new arena or KeyArena renovation in it's next session (ain't gonna happen) AND another NBA team hasn't moved into that facility by 2013.
That $45M is to pay off the remaining two years the Sonics had on the lease at the Key.
dammit Alex, you beat me to it.
@UU- I attended one of his basketball camps. I think it was run by Brian Beaury. I love how upstaters can turn any national story into its impact on the Capital District (6, 10 and 13 have perfected this).
David Stern is a fuckface. I hate him and I hope he gets hit by a speeding truck.
/Pacers fan
Sorry, Ufford, that blows.
Bennett's opening statement yesterday said it all. "We made it." He beat the system and got what he wanted.
10 years ago Stern said Key Arena was a great place for basketball. Now its a dump and the worst in the league. I dont get it. I have seen many games there and thought there wasnt a bad seat in the house.
personally if i could ever see this happen with a franchise such as, i dunno, the Detroit lions, i would be more than alright with it.
so yea bummer dude.
I understand that this particular move is most egregious to many, but that's been the problem with the franchise system in all of our major sports. Owners have screwed cities by moving their teams for a long time. It amazes me that so many denizens of cities are still hell-bent to shell out big bucks in order to get a pro franchise.
Come on palefolks, you really thought a group from OKC would pay all those ducats to keep their team in Wet-town? Call me a liar all you want, I'll call you naive. My guess is I have been to more freakin M's games than most of you have been to your former NBA team's games. If the ballot box was whiney forum posts, you'd still have your team, by a landslide.
Love your city but our own culture you lumberjacks and fishmongers continue to berate is here, you just haven't looked very hard. Come visit, and while you are here you might want to take in an NBA game.
Given this news, the news of Tim Donaghy, and other general ass-hattery in the NBA, I think I'm going back to not giving a shit about this half-assed league of thugs and cheaters.
Wait — there's going to be an NBA team in . . . Oklahoma? Jesus, next thing you know they'll be putting NHL teams in Florida.
@sasquatch – don't forget the juicers… wait, no that's baseball. Shit, guess no one's perfect.
The OKC Flaming Lips?
Seriously, what the hell can you name a team from Oklahoma City? Some bizarre animal name, I'm sure.
The Oklahoma Joads
If anyone would like to take the Chicago White Sox to another city, they are perfectly welcome.
They have take Ozzie Guillen, too, or the deal's off.
After reading that rant… I think I might shed a tear.
Eat shit Oklahoma
Damn… nice rant… think I might shed a tear.
Eat Shit Oklahoma
Somewhere in New York right now, Gary Bettman is furious that his role as "most witless and gutless league Fuhrer" has been threatened.
I hope the whole lot (Bennet, Stren, Schlitz or what ever the fuck his name is) get skull fucked by an AIDS infected homeless dude with crabs. Fuck the NBA, it's all fixed anyways.
Fuck Clay Bennett, fuck the horse he rode in on, uck anyone who gave him directions or water along the way. This is the biggest bullshit sports crime since the Cleveland Browns got stolen in the middle of the night. I'm not even a Seattle fan and this makes me want to boycott the NBA.
Fuck Clay Bennett, fuck the horse he rode in on, uck anyone who gave him directions or water along the way. This is the biggest bullshit sports crime since the Cleveland Browns got stolen in the middle of the night. I'm not even a Seattle fan and this makes me want to boycott the NBA.
Hey, you guys ever wonder if this type of bullshit was played on another city? Let's say one day Madison Square Garden burned to the ground (maybe due to Isiah Thomas teaching a Fire Prevention class somewhere nearby). So NYC is ordered to pony up the cost to build a brand new mega-palace arena in the middle of Manhattan, and when you factor in the cost of land and building expenses might reach a billion dollars. The city correctly refuses, and of course rather than negotiate David Fucking Stern secretly orchestrates Dolan into selling the team to some rich asshole from Nashville. So when this cocksucker demands a billion dollars from the city or else he's moving the team, and the city fights tooth and nail to keep their beloved team in town, can you picture Stern going on TV and saying, "well I guess the people of New York just don't love the Knicks enough to keep them in town. If the team relocates they have no one to blame but themselves." So you see why Stern deserves to be continuously raped by a Tommy Lee-sized, acid-tipped and razor-sharp cock in hell.
Well, since Stern desires to make the NBA look like the CBA by moving team to Okla-fucking-homa City, here are a few relocations that will make him bust his nut:
Nashville Knicks
Reno Bulls
Des Moines Lakers
Fargo Heat
Bangor Mavericks
Birmingham Celtics
Branson Pistons
Nome Suns
El Paso Timberwolves