There are few refuges for any woman who's been scorned by a soccer star. One such is a trip to the beach in a sexy swimsuit in order to get oiled up by an equally hot friend. Okay, well, that's it. But she can also futilely try to save face by denying that she's been dumped in the front place. Nereida Gallardo managed to do both.

The busty Spanish model stripped off on the beach to a less than shy and retiring shiny gold bikini, and took centre stage as she strutted the beach in Mallorca.

The curvy Spanish model who had been enjoying a five-month long romance with Ronaldo said: 'I don't know where this story has come from. I have spoken to him today, as always.'

Still wearing the huge diamond ring he had given her, she added: 'We are together. He told me he loves me and I him.'

The busty Spanish model, the curvy Spanish model, the tied-up-in-my-basement Spanish model: which is it Daily Mail? I need clarification. And a more sturdy radiator. The last one wasn't good for chaining.

Meanwhile, Cristiano is off in L.A., where's he's ducking Paris Hilton's advances. So he at least has an ounce of sense in him, as opposed to several pounds of AIDS that would have entered his body upon so much as touching Paris. It's like muscle that way, AIDS weighs for than fat. That's why Paris weighs 8,000 megatons.