Touched by Nomar, Kuroda now has seven days to live

NL — Hiroki Kuroda took a perfect game into the 8th inning, but Mark Teixeira's double forced the Japanese import to settle for a one-hitter in the Dodgers' 3-0 victory over the Braves.  Must. Not. Make. World War II joke… The Mets tried to blow the nine-run lead that Pedro Martinez staked them to, but could only give up eight runs before the Phillies ran out of gas.  Master of Blown Saves Billy Wagner only gave up two runs before sealing the 10-9 win.

AL — Hey, I gotta get one a them Japanese pitchers — they work great!  Daisuke Matsuzaka and Hideki Okajima were key in Boston's 1-0 shutout of the Twins.  Your gratuitous Dice-K-related cheesecake is here… The mighty Royals cooled off the Rays, snapping the demon fishes' 7-game win streak with a 7-4 triumph keyed by two 10th-inning homers.

NBA — Michael Beasley poured in 28 points in 23 minutes, overshadowing fellow top pick Derrick Rose (10 points) in the Heat's win over the Bulls.  Now wait just a damn minute.  The NBA?  When did that start?  Does that league even HAVE an offseason?