Rubber brain is zombie sex toy

Steady Burn, which has already introduced us to D.C. guerrilla kickball protests, arrested pirate kickballers, kickball brawls in Florida and almost everything else kickball-related, continues its kickball, uh, kick by tipping us off to zombie kickball. Apparently there's an annual game played in Portland, Maine where people dress in tattered clothes and smear fake blood on themselves before staggering around a field with a red ball. Either that, or they contracted the horrible virus that causes them to become the walking undead. Please, oh, please be the latter. No? Dammit.

Combining the deathly slow with a game that calls for a moderate amount of speed may seem odd, if not hilarious, at first.

But it's a purposeful juxtaposition, said Catherine Krupsky, an organizer for this year's match.

"How mundane is a kickball game, but how bizarre is it to see hordes of zombies walking around the Eastern Prom," she said.

Great. This sounds like the work of hipsters. Don't they know not to take lightly the zombie menace? Why, they probably listen to Fela Kuti's "Zombie" and quote heavily from Max Brooks books while playing. Luckily, hipsters and zombies can be dispatched in the same manner: head shots. Like zombies, you may be attempted to empathize with them because they possess something resembling the human form. Don't be fooled. Fire! Quickly! Before they're upon us in greater numbers!