Note: This is a lie perpetuated by the paper companies. NOTHING BEATS ROCK, I TELLS YA!

What to watch for in this weekend's biggest matchups.  One team or another in ALL CAPS.

Cubs over WHITE SOX – Because I enjoy jinxing long-suffering peoples. No worries, Zimbabwe, I feel like this is your year too. 

ROCK over Everything You Got – Some RPS championship is going down this weekend. You better be in shape, nerdlingers. A word of advice: Rock. Rockrockrockrockrock.

Get Smart over ITALIAN SPIDERMAN – Goddammit, Italian Spidey. Why'd you have to go and suck this week? There had better be some Anne Hathaway punching in this movie. Perhaps of the donkey variety, even. *Wink, wink, punch, punch*

DAYLIGHT over Nighttime - Today is the longest day of the year, says some scienceholes. Not by my watch it's not. Says it's 24 hours like all the others. Oh, you mean in daylight time. Just biased against us undead creatures of the night, as always. 

Netherlands over RUSSIA – They might follow transit officials onto train tracks, but the Dutch still aren't dumb enough to live in Russia.