06.26.08 REVENGE ASSAULT COMPLETES ROAD TRIP
Last Sunday's Seattle Times had a doozy of a write-up on the terrific state of Washington State's football program. Over the last year and a half, no fewer than 25 players "have been arrested or charged with offenses that carry possible jail time." And none of those incidents is as eyeball-searingly awesome as the following story, which must be read in its entirety, because every detail RULES:
Andy Mattingly, a linebacker coming off an outstanding sophomore season, was in Spokane in late January when a friend called for help. His front teeth had just been punched out in an argument with some soccer players from North Idaho College, he said.
The friend joined up with Mattingly and Trevor Mooney, a WSU tight end. The three went to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, where two of the soccer players, a goalie and a midfielder, shared an apartment.
First, they knocked. Then, Mattingly kicked in the door. The midfielder grabbed a steak knife, the goalie a butter knife. Mattingly picked up a frying pan off the stove.
The midfielder jumped out a window. This left the goalie — Cesar Lira, 5 feet 10, armed with a butter knife — to contend with Mattingly, a 6-4 linebacker swinging heavy kitchenware.
Mattingly hit Lira's head so hard the pan's handle broke, court records say. Lira got back up, jumped out a window and called police. He had a 2-inch gash and was "bleeding profusely," a police report says.
When police arrested Mattingly and Mooney, Mooney was so drunk he vomited while being booked.
That's basically the coolest road trip ever. Revenge, breaking and entering, kitchen face-offs pitting soccer versus football, head bludgeoning, drunken vomiting, the police — if some writer can squeeze in a love story, this is the best movie of the year. Even better than The Love Guru.
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There are 23 comments about:
REVENGE ASSAULT COMPLETES ROAD TRIP
needs more rape
-jerramy stevens
if some writer can squeeze in a love story, this is the best movie of the year.
Why do you think Mattingly was so intent on avenging his "friend"?
No, I mean aside from the roid rage and loose moral environment.
Should'a popped a cap.
/M. Harrison
Football players beating up soccer players always makes for a great story.
Figures a soccer player brings a butter knife to a frying pan fight.
You forgot about this quote. As a Huskies fan, I think this might be the greatest thing ever said.
"WSU is a hard school to go to, man. You ain't got nothin' to do but get drunk and smoke weed, and not go to class because you're too tired from doing what you're doing." - former WSU DB recruit/dropout Courtney Williams
If Lira was able to get up and jump out the window, then clearly, he was not seriously injured. But to Mattingly's credit, he swung in self defense - after all, Lira was armed with a butter knife. If I was his lawyer it would go like this:Lawyer - Your honor, my client walked into the apartment after knocking numerous times and was invited in. Upon accepting the invitation to enter, Lira armed himself with a butter knife and his room mate armed himself with a steak knife. Now, your honor, my client, fearing for his safety as well as the safety of others in the room, picked up a frying pan with the clear intention to deflect any stabbing attempts made by the 2 occupants of the room. When the person, who was armed with a steak knife, made a sudden move, my client raised the pan in self defense. At no time did he expect the person armed with a steak knife to jump out of a window or to willfully strike Lira in the head. His raising of the pan was clearly a reflexive response to the sudden movements of 2 armed men and the striking of Lira in the head was the accidental result of a defensive move. As for Mr. Mooney, he was so shaken up by the events and that his life was in danger, he became upset and threw up. Your honor, this was a clear act of self dense.
IT WAS MOONEY!
/Chappelle
"Your honor, he was clearly flopping."
Welcome Dan From Chicago. Now tighten it up.
"Vomited while being booked." That is fantastic!
'Jumped out a window' Its flopping… to the EXTREME!!!
Awesome and all, but who's the dude getting his teeth knocked out by North Idaho soccer players???
WhyDoYouAsk:
http://wsucougars.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/mooney_trevor00.html
This guy looks like he should be on the sailing team….
And apparently, Mooney "played both tight end and defensive end for football coach Jason Negro." That is some kind of name….Mooney.
My friend’s and i almost got in a fight with mattingly after the 06 apple cup. We didn’t know who he was until our friend (the debit card stealing contact tainting fellow from the story)told us his name. Two years later i read this story and i am sooooooo glad we didnt get in a fight with mattingly, he would have killed all three of us with kitchenware.
I can only picture the middle part of the "Beat It" video playing with this as it's plot. Then, much dancing ensued.
I'm surprised that after he landed from jumping out the window, Lira didn't roll around on the ground clutching his ankle, trying to draw the yellow card.
That's two Love Guru drops today. Please god tell me you didn't go see it Matt. If you wasted your ten bucks, it's your own fault.
You would think that a fella named Cesar Lira would be carrying a much sharper weapon than a butter knife. Stupid Mexican.
For a second there I thought you were talking about the Alabama football program.
Hey, thats the price you pay if you want to be a shitty also-ran in a mediocre conference like the PAC-10. 5-7 seasons don't just happen, you need a lot of sub-par athletes to get you there……
why,oh why were those two guys not sent to Euro Cup 08 to wreck havoc on some Euro Soccer players and molest some WAGs?
So I guess I can quit making Husky jokes for the time being.
UW and WSU football: The Barbaro and Eight Belles of the Pac-10.
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