As economic giants go, China is the #1 country in the world if you're looking for a double dose of human rights violations and shameless destruction of natural resources with industrial pollution. That's why this summer will be the most entertaining Olympics ever. Which will harm a world-class athlete first: a grim-faced riot cop, or nuclear waste?
The latest feather in the cap for the Beijing Olympics is the current condition of the waters of Qingdao, where the Olympic sailing regatta will take place. It's a lovely place, if you like your bodies of water choked with a gigantic algal bloom. But don't worry! The Chinese have people on the job. Thousands and thousands of people.
Media reports estimate as many as 20,000 people have either volunteered or been ordered to participate in the operation, while 1,000 boats are scooping algae out of the Yellow Sea. The country’s official news agency, Xinhua, reported that algae currently covers a third of the coastal waters designated for the Olympic competition…
Yuan Zhiping, an official with the Qingdao Olympics Sailing Committee, told reporters on Sunday that the government would attempt to block algae from floating into the Olympic sailing area by installing a fenced perimeter in the sea that is more than 30 miles long.
Well, that sounds sensible. A 30-mile fence in the sea. Why don't they just put a roof over the country so it doesn't rain? Or a big dome over Beijing so they can air-condition the entire city? Or… or… a gigantic wall across the country to keep invaders out? Yeah, that'll work. Idiots.
Soon-to-be-former Man U striker Cristiano Ronaldo and Nereida Gallardo are STILL on vacation in the Mediterranean. The header photo here is actually from late last week, but it had yet to grace this site, and the other photos are new, so I don't think I'm going to field too many complaints about this one.
Looks like Ronaldo's shoulder is peeling from sunburn. That guy just can't catch a break, can he?
We close the book on the rain-soaked, freaky-ceremonied Euro 2008 tournament with a final round of congratulations to the Spaniards. Inarguably the tourney's best team, Spain's European title will only add to the expectations piled on the shoulders of Cesc Fabregas and Fernando Torres at the 2010 World Cup.
And if a World Cup title means more Spaniards dancing around in their underwear and spraying champagne on each other, then I'd like to get in line for the bandwagon now. Because if there's one thing I love, it's tight-bodied, champagne-soaked soccer players celebrating in their underwear. Listen, it's not gay; they're just celebrating each other's athletic prowess. Surely we can all appreciate that.
DC United's Luciano Emilio Gonzalo Martinez took this laser from David Beckham directly to the groin during the second minute of yesterday's game at RFK, leaving the forward writhing on the pitch while Becks chuckled about destroying another man's genitalia. Which, when you think about it, is the only appropriate reaction.
[Update: basically, the rest of this post no longer makes sense.] However, the DC trainers must have poured some magic water down Emilio's shorts, because he stayed in the game to register two goals and an assist in United's 4-1 win over the Galaxy. Pretty impressive. I took a point-blank shot to the groin once while I was playing goalkeeper in an intramural league. Not only did I leave the game, I didn't even take a deep breath for the next week. I also cried myself to sleep that night. But, to be fair, that was more because I rented Finding Nemo.
A 56-year-old Ohio man — WARNING: Ohio story — named Allan Patton likes going to sporting events. Why, after you've been banned from getting close to schools, it's the best place to collect little boys' urine! Wait, what?
Official reports indicate [Patton] has been observed putting Saran wrap on toilet seats in public, sports-related venues with the apparent intent to drink any urine collected there.
It was that practice that drew Patton to the attention of Gahanna authorities in 2006. During his trial, authorities said he collected urine from boys at a movie theater — and at times even paid for it… And according to complaints filed with Dublin police, his fetish still has him helpless to resist it. [emphasis added]
Sweet merciful God that makes me sick. I actually get queasy typing the phrase "drinking little boys' urine." What a sick bastard. I mean, drinking someone's urine is an intimate moment that should only be shared between a man and a woman who love each other. Or a man and a woman who's been fairly compensated. Or any number of people who have paid the cover for the annual Boston Pee Party.
(thanks, kind of, to Enrico Palazzo)
Sprinter Tyson Gay qualified for the Olympics with a would-be world record time of 9.68 seconds in the 100 meters yesterday (video here), but the wind was slightly too strong and the wind-aided time won't go into the history books.
"We need to get some type of flame-retardant uniform in case he catches on fire," said [coach Jon] Drummond, no stranger to hyperbole. "He's running so doggone fast."
Good call by Drummond. Nobody likes it when a Gay is… flaming.
Ugh, I feel so cheapened by that joke. Listen people, I'm not going to make easy jokes just because someone's last name is "Gay," all right? Those jokes are for the amateur gay-joke writers. I'm a professional, dammit. I work my ass off to bring you the hardest gay jokes there are. Wait a minute. "Ass" … "hard" … I think I may have something there. Lemme get back to you on this one.
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