Elaine Fulps, a 60-year-old woman who attended Tuesday night's Grand Prairie AirHogs game, was rewarded by winning the evening's special promotional prize: a $10,000 funeral.
"I almost croaked many times," said Fulps, who was wearing a neck brace – the most recent effect of about 20 surgeries she's undergone for various medical problems. "God still has me around for a reason. To win a funeral."
I did this once. I rented a bingo hall and promised the same prize to one lucky senior citizen. Then I was all, "Surprise! You ALL win!" They were really thrilled until I released the hounds. Oh man, what a hoot. If they hadn't been so old and bothersome to their families, someone surely would have pressed charges.
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Old folks eh? I would have released the Bees on them. Or at least the hounds with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you.
Old people are ridiculous wastes of resources. And with the impending strain the 'Baby Boom' generation will put on our society, things will only be getting worse.
My solution? Once you turn 65, you get ground up and used as fertilizer.
For my funeral, I plan to be buried with 10 virgins. To be safe, I got 7 of them in the ground already.
"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything."
oh i get it you put the Arcade Fire's album Funeral up and the old lady won a funeral….
Last time I checked, old people were great at steering golf carts over cliffs.
SO THERE!
@HHY: Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?
No joke, that is one of the best albums ever.
@Terry true dat, great album…too bad their 2nd album blows
So, as a spectator, am I am supposed to applaud when the dessicated trollop gets her prize announced?
@PitchIt. I have to respectfully disagree, its not as good as the first, but it is much better than 90% of the shit out there. Also, seeing them perform live changes one's opinion of the album.
My solution? Once you turn 65, you get ground up and used as fertilizer.
Fantastic idea! I am running out of space in a couple of places…
My solution? Once you turn 65, you get ground up and used as fertilizer.
Fantastic idea! I am running out of space in a couple of places…
who was wearing a neck brace
Defense attorney LeBron James would prove that she's faking.
"she's faking."
if i had a dollar for every time i was told that, id have two dollars and 50 cents if you count the midget
Wow, did you catch that second paragraph.
"The prize won't expire until after Fulps does, said Ron Alexander, the sales manager at Oak Grove Memorial Gardens, which partnered with the team and Irving's Chapel of Roses Funeral Home to sponsor the event."
Someone's getting screwed.