06.04.08 NOAH HERRON IS A TOTAL BADASS
Packers running back (and Northwestern alum – woot!) Noah Herron isn't exactly a big NFL star, but that doesn't mean you can just break into his house and take whatever you want. Last Friday, burglars broke into Herron's home, so he did what any star of a summer action movie would do: he unscrewed a bed post and beat the intruder with it, sending him to the hospital.
"Noah Herron used necessary, reasonable and justifiable force in protecting his life and property. Herron, the victim in this random home invasion, is cooperating with law enforcement and we ask that you respect his privacy during this traumatic time," said Brown County Sheriff Dennis Kocken. [hee hee! Kocken! Does he ever work with Detective Balz? - Ed.]
The intruder was injured during the May 30th burglary and a second offender was apprehended outside the home by Brown County Sheriff's deputies, according to information released by the Brown County Sheriff's Department today. Herron was not hurt during the invasion.
I'll be honest: I totally get a hard-on for improvised weapons and blunt-force trauma. After I finished OCS, I had a recurring dream where I crushed my friends' skulls with the butt of an M-16. And you know that battle scene in Braveheart when the dude's head gets collapsed with a club? There's an audible THUNK! and blood flies onto the screen? I can climax to that.
Hmm. I guess that's more of an overshare than a joke.
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There are 19 comments about:
NOAH HERRON IS A TOTAL BADASS
Ufford is teh Motarded
SeanTaylor could have learned a thing or two from Noah Herron
/too soon?
Bedpost 1, Machete 0
300 is Ufford's porno
/disturbingly not a gay joke
Bedpost 1, Machete 1
/just rewatched the end of Gorillas in the Mist
Machete: starring Danny Trejo 100, Anything else 0
Herron will be sued.
Wow, Northwestern alumni are violent.
/remembers to steer clear of Evan Eschmeyer
Unfortunately, my bedposts are currently occupied.
Matt, I would have been more impressed if you used a bayonet in your dream. I understand though, you were in OCS. They don't allow you "officers" to use them, figuring you would probably cut yourselves.
/NCO
No quotes from Police Chief Mike Vas Deferens???
Does your grey matter lose it's flavor on the bedpost over night?
Eh. A real man would've ripped off the intruder's arm and beaten him with that.
The NFL players with their hair flowing out from under their helmets are bad sumbitches.
Three years ago, Troy Palumalo beat an intruder with the thigh bone of a guy he killed for walking across his lawn the previous summer.
im actually going to applaud this one. ive wanted to beat someone with a bedpost for a long time. tops on the list? half of the human race
Ahhh OCS. "Were kinda like bootcamp!"
/nco
Breaking news: The intruder was actually Erin Rodgers coming over to discuss strategies for the upcoming season. Herron claimed he thought the intruder was a burglar but in the end we all know he can't be blamed for any damager done to said person
fuck i wish i could type sometimes
When I first heard this I thought:
"Who's Noah Herron?"
"How can he afford a multiple level home?"
"How can a Wisconsinite break into a house? They can't even break out of their shitty cities."
He bring's a knife
You bring a wooden post
He sends one of yours to the hospital
You send one of his to the…well…hospital
That's the Green Bay Way!
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