The NBA Finals begin tonight tomorrow (Note: I though today was Thursday. Gotta stop drinking at work) in Boston, and we're not particularly excited, but we're not totally apathetic, either. Ape and I — like most two-bit prognosticators — think the Lakers will take it in five. To round out the With Leather staff predictions, 289 responded to my inquiry thusly: "The NBA blows." Duly noted.
For those of you who don't hail from either Boston, Los Angeles, or a family of pussies that allowed its children to become bandwagon twats, you may be undecided in your rooting interests, so here's a quick breakdown in determining for whom you're going to cheer. C'monnnnnn METEOR!
BOSTON CELTICS – Pros: Core group of Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Kevin Garnett are all "nice guys" who "deserve" a championship, whatever that means. They play tough, defense-first basketball without being Detroit Bad Boys-dirty. Kelly green much easier on the eyes than yellow and purple. Cons: A team assembled by Danny Ainge and coached by Doc Rivers would be an insult to innumerable people who are actually good at their jobs. A-list poseurs sit courtside. Douchebag fans only like the team when it wins.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS — Pros: Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player since Michael Jordan, and like Jordan he's attained a mystique where it's possible to cheer for him even though he's a cold, calculating asshole. Technically, they're underdogs. They play a more exciting, pass-happy style of basketball. Cons: Kobe Bryant is a cold, calculating asshole who doesn't deserve a free pass after the Colorado rape case. L.A. is a smoggy hellhole filled with vapid selfish douches. Phil Jackson doesn't deserve to beat Red Auerbach's record. A-list poseurs sit courtside. Douchebag fans only like the team when it wins.
Your picks and vitriol in the comments, please.
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They start tomorrow, but I got the Celtics in 6.
Lakers=Black Guys
Boston=White Guys
What's that? This isn't 1980? Everyone's black? My bad.
Lamar Odom played of the U of Rhode Island Runnin' Rams. Therefore I will be rooting for a Lakers sweep.
Final start tomorrow night.
Celtics sweep in 4.
Holy fuck I've traveled in time!
I feel uber-confident today.
Lakers in a long drawn out 7.
Jack Nicholson > any Boston "celebrity"
Kobe's way with women > Cassell's testicle-referencing
Lakers in 6.
I'm kind of a double-douchebag here – I grew up as a Celtics fan but haven't watched a single game for the last six years until the playoff started. But I also currently live in LA, and one of my ex-girlfriends once described me as "the most selfish lover since Genghis Kahn," and asked if the scars on my penis were from the time I tried to fuck a mirror.
My pick: Celtics in 7. Home wins all the way through.
If you want to fuck yourself, is that gay?
Lakers win by a touchdown in the 3rd overtime
Enrrico — technically it's masturbation.
I can get past Kobe raping a girl. I can get past him running Shaq out of town. I can get past him demanding to be traded. I can get past him cheating on his wife with a cheerleader. What I can't get past is…wait, no, there's nothing. This guy is awesome. He does whatever he wants for eight years and then when a good team is gift-wrapped at his doorstep, he's all of a sudden a "good teammate" and MVP. I wish I was Kobe.
But I'm from Boston, so C's in 7.
Lakers in 6….I would say 5, but I dont think there is any way Stern lets his refs end this 'storybook' series in only 5 games.
Also, I'd rather cheer for a rapist than a Boston team.
Lakers in 5, they have the fewest amount of players with stab wounds.
i'm going to give it to the original lakers/celtics rivalry from the 70's/80's over this thrown together with questionable (and desperate on the celtics' part) trades bullshit "rivalry" in 4.
Lakers in 5, they have the fewest amount of players with stab wounds.
Whereas the Celtics have the most players with axe wounds.
CELTICS.
because phil jackson is a disgusting piece of shit and i hope he gets run over by Shaq
Merk's unitelligible ravings remind me of the time one of the FOXSPORTS interns slipped Brenly rohypnol before the '02 ALDS.
Why don't we just take a poll of the refs? They're the ones with betting the most on these games anyways.
I Pick the REFEREES. Cause they are the ones that will be getting most of the attention and since both of these "teams" are fucking loathsome and the NBA is as fresh as a rotting corpse.
It goes to seven, at which point I'll be too Oxycoten'd to give a shit.
Celtics in 6.
And as a Boston fan, this whole not real fans 'cause they didn't go to games while they were losing is pretty stupid. I'm a life-long C's fan and only went to a handful of games 'cause I can't afford $100 seats in Section ZZ, Row 582, near the ceiling.
Besides – why should fans reward a team that prior to this year didn't give a crap about what players it put on the floor by buying tickets?
Mike Bibby sucks balls 1. for starting this whole thing and 2. 'cause he actually does suck balls…true story.
good point ksmith. Enjoyed it in Simmons' chat a few days ago too.
Ask Seattle why it might be a good idea to support a struggling team.
KSMITH
Bulls sold out for 7 years after Jordan left, wait, they always sell out. So fuck Boston and your belife that the entire fandom ISNT bandwagoneers. Cause they fucking are.
Lakers in 6. I wouldn't call Kobe's team gift-wrapped–Gasol was a big addition but they had a strong season before that with KB, Odom and Random Motherfucker 1-10. Also, call me naive and handsome, but I don't think Kobe raped that girl. I did though.
/It's a pity the black dude always gets blamed but it would be more of a pity if I went (back) to jail.
I'm not a big Simmon's guy – so any similar comment is only due to the fact that it makes sense.
The Sonics are a completely different story – for years they have made it well known that they wanted out of Seattle. The prior Celtics ownership on the other hand just took advantage of the teams history and expected people to keep pay ticket prices which increased each year as the team got worse.
As for the Bulls and the 7 years after MJ. I don't see your argument, are you saying that Bulls fans stuck around anyway? 'Cause I doubt that – and even if they did, try adding another 13 years to that post MJ drought and see what happens.
@HoHos: You too? Did she try that whole "but I'm an anal virgin" bullshit with you? I get SO sick of that. I mean, I gave you a teddy bear to play with, and I'm not choking you all the way out, so quit your bitching already!
And by"drinking at work" you mean "drinking at home by yourself, possibly in the dark," right?
Every city is the same they only like a team iif it wins
I may be wrong since the NBA blows but you Celtics fans had it so horrible! You went two whole seasons without making the playoffs. Holy shit that's rough. I'm surprised that the team didn't move to St. Louis. I just hope the Pats can sell half their tickets this year, fucking pieces of shit didn't win the Super Bowl.
Lakers in 4 or 5…Read it and weep Boston.
@WDYA–we should compare schedules. I'd hate to find my next "date" double-booked.
I mean, yay, sports!
Kobe is going to rape Ray Allen…and slice Paul Pierce
Any team that has Scott Pollard on it deserves to die…Check it out Boston Roster #66, oh yeah and what the fuck is up with PJ Brown 92#.
Scott Pollard thinks he is so cool with his "wacky" non conforming haristyles and his unusual jersey number. And what the hell is up with that red head that I always see on the sidelines during a timeout. What is it with these Irish/Green teams and the token red head. Circa Red headed Norte Dame Leaprachun Mascot
These are questions that need to be asked people?
I was born and raised (and still live) in my parents house in Burbank a Southern California suburb of Los Angeles, therefore I am a lifelong Los Angeles Lakers Fan (we dont count the raiders or rams anymore). My Predictions:Larry Bird and Magic Johnson will sit courtside together (birds wife will contract hiv)Lakers win it in 3.
lakers take it in 5.boston burns down (please please please)
The Sonics are a completely different story – for years they have made it well known that they wanted out of Seattle.
Ummmm. No. That would be the opposite of factual.
Kobe has so far travelled to Denver, Utah, San Antonio and Boston
I'm more amazed he hasn't rapped a white woman yet, he's so gay
I hate the NBA. I can't gamble on it (refs, inability to win regularly) and it's a chair shot to someone's head from being the WWF (Yes it's still the WWF to me).
But, the girl I like to have sex with loves Kobe and would probably let him do anal with her given the right mix of cocktails, but no way would she ever entertain that thought with anyone but him. So…. I guess I cheering for the miniscule chance to possibly do anal with her in an unbelievalby drunken celebratory romp in the hay should the Lakes win…
Go slight anal chance! With a girl even!!
@ wolf – i think kobe would rather punch himself in the cock than rape a woman from any of those 4 cities (again)
"Douchebag fans only like the team when it wins"
ummm…isn't that true of every professional franchise on earth besides the Green Bay Packers?
@JWK–probably not true of Cubs fans. Or Milwaukee Bucks fa. . .do the Bucks have fans?
Do you guys think ksmith spits or swallows?
alrightstraight from a life long lakers fans mouth.my predictionlakers in 3
my spaces dont work aparently. i apologize.
The only reason the Celtics have Tony Allen on their roster is so he can hard foul Kobe in the first quarter of game one and put him out of the series.
Robert Horry said that's how to do it.
With all the bullshit Kobe has to put up with from that vapid plasic whore he married, I'm thinking he's earned the right to the occasional on-the-road nonconsensual encounter. If that's what it was. I personally doubt he raped her. But whatever.
Also, the Lakers will win by catching a long pass in the fourth quarter when Gasol pins it to his head as he falls to the ground while Garnett tries to maul him. It will be considered the greatest catch in Finals history. We will argue over what to call it.
There's no need to defend Boston's attendance the past few years since, you know, it was actually pretty good. Especially for an awful team.
@ Jonathan – you have a valid point. I have been to Green Bay, and the level of douchebagness there has little to do with the Packers. I think it is something in the water.
@ RV – on Phil Jackson, word. Im pretty sure the only reason he does all that buddhist/yoga crap is to get flexible enough to give himself a blowie.